


A Heart Thusly Scattered

by AliceMoonflowyr



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: And do something about it, Edward is kind of a dick, F/F, OOC Bella, Romance, Slow Burn, Soulmates, aka Bella has a personality, but not like the love-at-first-sight-kind that skips all the good good pining, can't let the mate-bond do all the work, emotionally torturing them until they get off their gay pining asses, its just gonna be there in the background, nah they gotta WORK bitch, vampire mates are soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24930853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceMoonflowyr/pseuds/AliceMoonflowyr
Summary: Bella Swan is an eighteen-year-old junior moving to a new town, she likes reading and drawing, and she has clinical depression. Rosalie Hale is over a hundred years old and enjoys working on cars and despises humans and despises the concept of "mates", thinking the whole thing to be a bunch of hoodoo-voodoo poppycock. Not that she doesn't enjoy seeing her 'parents', or her mated siblings, be happy. She just thinks that the whole idea of 'soulmates' is a liiiiittle 'out there' and probably greatly exaggerated.Until she meets her own mate, of course. Then she gets it. Even if she really, really doesn't want to. And as much as she wants to resist it (and oh boy does she try), Rosalie can't help it if the walls around her heart begin to crumble and scatter.She just isn't going to make it easy.
Relationships: Rosalie Hale/Bella Swan
Comments: 54
Kudos: 330





	1. Dreary

**Author's Note:**

> Salutations and greetings to a fandom I've never really taken part in before! Twilight for me was always a property that held the fringe part of my interests, but my passive interest in it grew and grew over time and in the past year or two I've been extremely enthralled by the specific little corner of the Twilight fandom that contains most of the Bella/Alice and Bella/Rosalie content, and I decided I had lurked enough, I needed to write something for one of my favorite ships. 
> 
> The reason I'm saying that the way I am is to explain away the fact that I haven't read the source material for Twilight in fucking -ages- because, to be frank, I kind of hate the original canon at this point. I love the potential of Twilight, I like some of the ideas for the worldbuilding and I absolutely adore the foundation for most of the characters, but 90% of the canon just ticks me off so I just surgically extract what I do enjoy and fuck the rest. 
> 
> The unfortunate side effect of this is that its extremely easy for characters to be somewhat OOC, for little details to be totally off-base, or for things to just end up staggeringly canon-noncompliant in one way or another. 
> 
> So for these inevitable mistakes I sincerely apologize both now and in advance, but don't really expect that to change? This is for my own personal enjoyment, and to add some quality content to a ship that I think is severely lacking in longer, good quality content (I can only read Cold Arms, So I Hope You See (That I Would Love To Love You), And So the Lamb Became the Wolf, and Vocalise so many times) and I'm here to provide that. If other people end up enjoying whatever babble I come up with, awesome, otherwise, hey no skin off my back. 
> 
> I plan on updating this every Friday until it is finished, and I have absolutely no clue -how- big this is going to end up but considering I already have 17k words written for this and counting as of posting this first chapter, I think it's a pretty safe bet that this one's gonna be a doozy. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, tell me what you think if you like, and I hope you have one hell of a day.
> 
> Alyss

_dreary_ _\- adjective_

_1 - feeling, displaying, or reflecting listlessness or discouragement_

_2 - having nothing likely to provide cheer, comfort, or interest_

_~~~_

Clouds drifted along the edge of my mind, creating a thick haze that numbed my thoughts. They weren’t too unlike the ones floating around outside, covering up the sky in a dark grey blanket that occasionally let snatches of sunlight through, dappling the ground gently for a few moments before fading away once more. 

Forks was kind of a gloomy place, I thought, as the car I was in trundled down the road towards the place where I would now be staying. I sighed and leaned my head against the window, my carry-on backpack still in my lap from the flight over. 

“Cheer up Bells, you’ll be back in school and making friends before you know it,” came the voice of my dad from the driver’s seat next to me. Charlie Swan, police chief of Forks, Washington, and the father that I felt like I barely knew. 

I didn’t acknowledge what he said as I pressed my face into the cold glass of the window, only half paying attention to what was going on outside. 

Memories started to swim in front of my eyes like tears, smearing my vision as I unwillingly recalled the reason I was here in the first place. Mom had gotten sick of me, I had been held back two years in a row in highschool, and even though I had gotten on medication over the summer and my day-to-day life was starting to pick up, she just couldn’t bother taking care of me anymore in lieu of spending time with her nice brand-new husband, Phil.

I should start over. 

My name is Isabella Swan, although I really prefer it if everyone just calls me Bella. I’m an eighteen-year-old junior in highschool, and I have clinical depression. Welcome to my own private support group, I suppose. Enjoy the show. 

My parents split extremely early, when I was a baby in fact, and for the past eighteen years I lived with my mom, Renee. But when I turned twelve, something about me just broke inside I suppose. 

I didn’t really miss it much. Wasn’t much to remember. I would see my dad, Charlie, every summer while I was growing up with my mom, but those visits just slowed down year after year after year until they eventually stopped entirely. The last time I saw my dad was not too long before I started having problems. 

My therapist thinks I have abandonment issues. I just think the world sucks. 

It wasn’t like it all just came crashing down. It was a slow descent into just a stupor of pure and utter boredom. I never really thought I was depressed, because I wasn’t sad or anything. I didn’t want to hurt myself, or end my own life.

I was just utterly, monumentally, completely, and absolutely bored with anything and everything life had to offer me. 

When I was fifteen my mom got a new boyfriend, and stopped really giving me attention. I guess that’s where it started, really. When I really started slipping. I stopped caring about my grades, or my friends, anything really. 

I got held back for my sophomore year. 

Twice, actually. 

Near the end of that second year is when my relationship with Renee really started to fray. She made me see a therapist, I went because I didn’t really care to fight her on it. I did the therapy thing, I answered her questions, I went on SSRI’s. The meds helped, I guess. I wasn’t glued to my bed anymore with Renee practically having to cram food and water down my throat.

I was at least starting to pursue this whole ‘continuing to further my own existence’ idea of my own volition. But that wasn’t enough for Renee, and when Phil, her minor-league-baseball-player husband, started having to travel a lot more for games, she had to choose between travelling the country with her husband, or staying behind with pathetic ol’ Bella. 

And I guess this was her choice. 

I got one suitcase, one backpack, $200 cash, and a one-way plane ticket to Forks, Washington where my dad had made a deal with the school board to let me just advance to junior year instead of having to repeat sophomore year for a third time, and I would live with him, go to high school, and hopefully get my shit together.

And Renee wouldn’t have to worry about a damn thing anymore. 

I let a soft huff of air expel from my nostrils in annoyance as the memories washed over my eyes, and I hoped I wasn’t really crying. At least the SSRI’s were letting me feel annoyed at the whole situation, and not just numb and careless. 

Charlie sighed next to me. I wasn’t really sure how he was taking this whole thing. I think he kinda blames himself, which is why he tried so hard to let the school board let me just advance into my junior year. He offered to homeschool me, but Renee was pretty insistent that I “live a proper highschool life” so here I am, getting ready to enter my junior year as an eighteen year old. 

Because that totally won’t completely suffocate any chances I have at an actual social life. 

Forks was utterly, completely gloomy. The faint sunlight that broke through the clouds just made everything totally grey and boring, and there was a thick dampness to the atmosphere that tinged everything with this crushing weight, with this hint of sadness. Like this was where vibrant things came to die. 

For all I cared, it was perfect. 

_~~~_

School was definitely not something I was looking forward to. Today was going to be my first day, two weeks into September. So not only was I starting late, it was effectively an entirely new town to me. I knew nobody here, aside from a few random childhood friends from when my visits with Charlie were more consistent. 

I doubted they even remembered me. I could barely remember them, after all. 

I groaned as my truck chugged along the road, slowly pulling into the school’s parking lot. Me and Charlie had been here before, last Friday right before they locked up for the day, to finalize some paperwork or whatever with the front office. Today was Monday, and they were gonna be expecting me to give me my schedule and shit. 

I parked, grabbed my backpack, and hopped out of my truck. Let the show begin, I suppose. 

There were already a swarm of other teens flowing into the front doors. This school was a lot smaller than my previous one back in Phoenix, but not exactly that small. Small enough though, that the news of an eighteen-year-old junior transfer student most likely has spread like wildfire by now, and small enough to where a new face was going to draw attention regardless. 

So I ignored the whispers that were definitely coming my way, the strange looks, the glances. I had gotten used to them a long time ago. Being a year older than your peers already attracted a decent amount of attention when you’ve been held back, and I had the unfortunate experience of being both one and two years older. 

Negative attention was just part of my life at this point, so as I waded through the throngs of bodies, trying to remember which way I needed to go to get to the main office, I let all the whispers and gazes run off me like rainwater. 

Not that it didn’t affect me entirely of course, I am still human. I had just gotten very, very good at taking all the bad feelings and insecurities that it gave me, putting them all snugly into a box, tying off the box with a lovely little bow, and shoving that box into a deep, dark corner of my mind where they could just rot away in peace. Until I had a breakdown anyway, which was inevitable. I learned to manage them too, though.

Eventually I found the main office and got my things in order, my schedule, got told where my locker was and the combination, which they told me to _not write down under any circumstances_ so of course the first thing I did was open up the “Memo” app on my phone and write it down. 

Nobody tried to talk to me as I beelined for my locker. I could feel the stares though, I can still feel them. The eyes boring into my back, the back of my head, my arms, my shoulders, looking at my clothes, my face, the way I walked, the way I carried myself, the slumped shoulders and the dark circles under my eyes, the way my jaw clenched constantly and my knuckles went white from how tightly I was gripping the straps of my backpack. 

Whispers, so many whispers. Pondering on why I was there, what happened to me, why was I an adult in highschool, I looked crazy, I looked like a freak, I looked like I’d kill you in your sleep. All of it was familiar, I’d heard it all before, but it still made me grit my teeth a little.

Just for a moment though.

I reached my locker without incident, sorted out what I needed, and clicked it shut again, spinning the dial of the lock. Then I gave my schedule a quick scan. Trigonometry first. I hated math.

Math felt like a foreign language to me, and I was never any good at foreign languages. The letters just didn’t make sense, the structure just fell apart in front of my eyes. It just made my head spin. It didn’t really help anything that the teacher was _utterly_ insufferable and boring, and just droned on and on and on and on and on and _on_. Thank god he at least didn’t make me stand up and introduce myself to the whole class. 

He just announced that I was here, and moved on. No speech. No nothing. That was nice. Maybe all the teachers would let me off the hook so easy. 

Of course, they didn’t. My next class was English, which I was at least good at technically, I could write a mean paper if I was properly motivated. But the stuffy teacher, once the class started, made me stand up and do a stupid little self introduction. 

The entire class had their eyes directly on me. Before, in the hallways, it was easy to pretend. It was easy to just keep walking, and they’d stop staring eventually. But now they weren’t going to stop staring until I talked. 

And I _hated_ talking. 

“......” 

“Go ahead and introduce yourself dear, we’re waiting,” the teacher said, smiling at me as if it was supposed to be a comforting gesture. I wanted to sock her in the throat. Then I was surprised at my own emotions. SSRI’s had a kooky effect on me, although my therapist said it wasn’t an uncommon reaction. Negative emotions were way easier to feel for me than positive ones, although I did once grudgingly admit to her that it was better than feeling literally nothing at all except boredom. 

Shaking off the anger, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 

“I’m Bella Swan. Chief Swan is my dad. I moved here from Phoenix, Arizona. Nice to meet you,” I said, feeling my rarely-used voice barely rasp out of my throat. I did my best to keep it steady, and then I thudded back into my seat, dragging my textbook out of my bag and thumping it onto my desk. 

The teacher coughed as if she expected a little more than that, but when it became clear that I was very much done, she awkwardly started up the class. At least this one I could actually follow along with, once that terrible introduction was over. 

A few classes later and I was finally free for a short amount of time, and I made my way out of the latest class to head to lunch. As I was heading out, I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, because I bumped right into this girl and caused her to drop one of her books. 

“Uuugh, shit, I’m sorry,” I groaned, leaning over to pick up her book. “Let me get that for you.”

“Oh, no, it’s totally fine, I wasn’t looking where I was going!” came the soft voice from above me. I stood back up and handed her the book, getting a proper look at her. She had long, light brown hair, with soft brown eyes. 

“No, it’s my bad,” I grunted, making a move to keep walking down the hallway, assuming the social interaction was over. 

“Hey, wait, are you heading to the cafeteria? You’re the new girl, right?” the girl said, falling into step besides me. 

“No, I’m heading to Nigeria,” I deadpanned. 

She looked unsure as to whether or not she was supposed to laugh, and seemed to eventually settle on a nervous chuckle before continuing. “Well, I figured, since you’re new around here, maybe I could show you around? You can sit with me and my friends at lunch, if you like.”

I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why?”

Clearly not expecting that response, she looked a little lost for words, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she looked for the right answer. “Uh...I mean, I dunno. It’s an open offer though. If you want. I’ll let you go though, see you around?”

“Yeah. I guess,” I said, not making any effort to speed up or slow down or take any other action to break away from her. If she was gonna leave she could leave, I didn’t particularly care either way. I didn’t need someone else’s social pity. 

“Uh...okay. I’m Angela by the way. And, uh, I actually need to go grab...one of my friends. So...if you see me in the cafeteria, feel free to come sit?” she mumbled out before she abruptly turned around and walked in the other direction. 

I shrugged and continued on my way to the cafeteria. I was one of the first ones in line, and was served what appeared to be a cheese-and-turkey sandwich with a glob of what was allegedly mashed potatoes, but I wasn’t entirely convinced it wasn’t just styrofoam mixed with water and put through a blender. 

Scanning the cafeteria, I spotted an empty table near the back and made a beeline for it, hoping that my Weird New Girl presence would prevent anyone from forcing anymore social pity on me. If someone actually wanted to sit with me I certainly wouldn’t shoo them away though.

As I sat down, I got a good view of the entrance and could watch people come in. After a few minutes as I idly chewed on a bite of sandwich, I saw the girl I bumped into come into the cafeteria surrounded by a gaggle of other people. Two other girls, and two guys. 

After they got their food and were looking for a place to sit, one of the other girls poked Angela and jerked her head towards me, seeming to say something to her. Angela winced when she saw me and set her tray down where her friends were sitting, before walking over to me. 

“Hey,” she said as she arrived. “Uh, just so you’re aware, you should probably sit somewhere else. There’s uh. People that normally sit there.”

I didn’t bother speeding up my chewing. I may have even gone slightly slower on purpose, swallowed, and fixed Angela with a bored expression. I was good at those. “Uh huh. And who would that be?”

As if on cue, Angela turned around right as a new group of people walked into the cafeteria, and they caught my eye instantly. I think they caught the whole room’s eye, as for a brief moment, everything fell quiet and all the heads turned towards the lunch line. But then the moment shattered and everyone was back to their own business. 

“The Cullens,” Angela said sourly. “Seriously, they sit here, and nobody sits with the Cullens. You should come sit with me and my friends, it’ll be better than this.”

“What, are they some sort of super-clique? I was here first,” I pointed out, lazily taking another bite out of my sandwich. 

“They’re just a group of adopted rich kids, Dr. and Mrs. Cullens adopted kids. They’re all...kind of, freaks,” she muttered. “Come on, I’m gonna leave you here in a second.”

“What are their names?” I asked, assuming the Cullens to be the group that just walked in and caught everyone's eyes for a moment. They were certainly an eye-catching group, I’ll give them that. 

There were five of them, two girls, three boys. The first girl was very tiny, with short dark hair. She looked completely unable to stand still, constantly bouncing and fidgeting as she shifted down the line. Standing next to her was one of the boys, a tall one with sandy blonde hair. Even from all the way over here, I could see that he looked vaguely uncomfortable with something, perhaps just existence in general. 

Then there was a very large boy, musclebound and tall, with a massive grin on his face. I could almost hear his booming laughter from back here as he clapped the shoulder of the other girl standing next to him, a tall blonde who looked like something that smelled really bad had just been shoved under her nose. 

Knowing the quality of the cafeteria food, I honestly didn’t doubt that that might be exactly the case. I squinted my eyes to get a better look at her, and determined that she was absolutely _gorgeous_. They all were, really, inhumanly gorgeous. Even from this distance I could tell they all looked like they had just walked out of a fashion magazine, airbrushing and all. She definitely stood out more than the others though, even with that scowl. 

The last one was a lanky boy with a poof of messy dark hair, but it looked messy in like, a “order in chaos” sort of way, like it was on purpose. He had a spaced out look on his face, like he wasn’t even really here. I supposed that was what most girls would call ‘dreamy’, but to me he just looked like he was high. 

“The tiny one who always acts like she’s on three adderall and a dozen Red Bulls is Alice, she’s friendly but seriously weird,” Angela started, holding up her fingers as she counted them off. “The blonde she’s clinging onto is Jasper, he’s got like, a bunch of weird scars and has a real pained aura about him. Doesn’t really talk much, sticks with the tiny one. They’re obviously dating, which is kind of weird considering they’re siblings, even if they aren’t blood-related. The big one is Emmet, he’s probably the most decent out of all of them. Kind of doofy, but doesn’t really talk to anyone except his siblings.”

“Who’s the emo one who looks like he’s tripping out?” I asked. 

“That’s Edward. He’s kind of…” Angela huffed lightly. “He acts like he’s better than everyone. He could date any girl in the whole school he wanted, not an exaggeration, but he’s rejected literally everyone who’s approached him and just has this really arrogant attitude about it. So don’t even bother trying.”

_Really don’t have to worry about that_. I thought to myself, rolling my eyes. 

“And Atomic Blonde?” I asked, inquiring about the most interesting one. 

Angela let out a small snicker at that. “That’s Rosalie. She’s just a frigid bitch, to be honest. Edward might be kind of an ass and look at you like you’re just a rodent that isn’t worth his sight, but at least he isn’t like, _mean_. Rosalie has such a whip of a tongue it’s honestly kind of impressive sometimes, unless you’re on the receiving end of it.”

“You don’t say,” I murmured, taking another bite of sandwich. It was almost completely flavorless, but it was sustenance, and my stomach had already lodged several complaints with the manager earlier so I figured I should just eat. 

“Yeah. She made a guy wet himself once just by yelling at him after he tried to ask her out.”

I whistled out of admiration. I was beginning to tire of Angela’s obvious social pity, but hey, that’s an impressive fact if it’s true. Eventually the last of the Cullen group got their trays, and Angela turned to face me.

“Look, I’m going back to my table. I suggest you join me, but, your funeral I guess,” Angela said as she quickly strode back over to her spot with her friends, settling into her spot and beginning to eat. 

I just took another bite of sandwich and thought about it. Rosalie, the tall blonde one, noticed that I was sitting here before the others did, and I’ll admit, I kinda believe that pants-pissing story a bit now after being on the receiving end of the glare she just gave me. I pondered on if I really felt like tempting fate today, and decided I didn’t.

So I quickly dumped my tray and headed over to Angela. I may not care for social pity, but I also wasn’t particularly in the mood to get yelled at today. She wordlessly scooted over and let me sit down, and quickly introduced me to the group. 

“This is Lauren, Jessica, Tyler, and Mike,” she said, indicating each of them, each person giving a ‘hey’, or a wave if their mouth was full. “Guys this is…” she said, trailing off and looking at me. I realized I hadn’t told her my name. 

“Bella,” I said shortly. 

“You’re in my Civics class,” Jessica said with a small smile. “You gave the really short introduction and then just checked out the entire rest of the class.”

I shrugged. “It was boring.”

The table snickered at that, and I allowed myself to feel a very small nugget of hope that maybe sitting here wasn’t the result of social pity after all, maybe Angela did actually think I could fit in here. 

That hope was readily dashed though, as soon the table launched into a variety of conversations I had no idea how to jump in on, and they weren’t in much of a rush to help me in. So the rest of lunch passed by in relative silence, but I kept stealing glances behind me at the table I had vacated. 

The Cullen kids were talking animatedly amongst themselves, except for the blonde girl. She just sat there, reading a book, not even eating. Actually, none of them were, they were just pushing their food around a little. I supposed they weren’t exactly enthused by the idea of plastic masquerading as food, so I didn’t pay it much mind. 

When the lunch period ended I got up and slung my backpack over my shoulder, making my way out of the cafeteria and towards the second half of my classes for the day. Just out of curiosity, I stole one last glance over my shoulder at the Cullen kids. 

And I was met with a stare from a pair of the most beautiful honey-gold eyes I think I’ve ever seen in my entire life. My breathing hitched a little as I met them, and the entire world seemed to stop on its axis for one brief, beautiful, terrible moment. 

The tall blonde girl that the eyes belonged to had an odd look on her face. It wasn’t the same ‘I-smelled-a-fart’ scowl she had on during the lunch line, nor was it the ‘Go away or face evil awful horrible consequences’ glare of Medusa I had received when she spotted me sitting at their table. 

I couldn’t exactly place the look on her face, and I didn’t really get the chance to. Just as quickly as the moment had begun, it ended, with the excitable tiny Cullen jumping up in front of the blonde’s gaze and cutting off the eye contact, and when her face was in view again, she was looking down at her sister.

I ducked out of the cafeteria, and quickly headed down the hall to my next class. 

_~~~_

Biology was my second to last class of the day, and I was fucking late. I was annoyed, I had gotten held up after the last class because the main office apparently had some issues with some of my paperwork being filled in wrong. So I had to spend precious minutes figuring out the problem and fixing it before being allowed to dart along to bio. 

Naturally, it was one of those classes with double-desks and lab partners, and whoever you sat next to was your lab partner for the year. And because I was two weeks late into starting school, oh goody me, there was only one seat left and one partner left to claim that nobody else apparently wanted. 

With a complete lack of surprise that of course this is what I’m stuck with, I trudged into the class and plopped down into the seat besides the one and only Edward Cullen. 

He had an expression on his face that I recognized very well. He looked absolutely bored out of his mind. The only acknowledgement he gave my presence was to shift his things slightly so I could put my textbook and notepad on the shared desk. Then I grumbled to myself, sighed, and turned to the side slightly so I could at least try and begin an amicable relationship with my lab partner. 

“Hi, I’m Bella. Guess we’re partners now,” I said, trying to sound friendly as I stuck out my hand. 

He didn’t say anything, just took a slow, lazy glance down at my hand. He didn’t take it, just nodded slowly.

Now that I was really up close to him, I had to admit, this boy was _extremely_ gorgeous. For a man, anyway. I was never particularly one to swoon over the male side of the seesaw, and never really understood the appeal when my old friends would gush about a boy they liked, or when my mom would babble about some male celebrity or other. 

But Edward? I can _definitely_ see why I was told that he could have his pick of the girls in the school if he wanted to. Hell, even I might take a shot at it if offered one, just to double-check if my brain had decided to rethink what team I was batting for. 

Then he spoke, in a cold, collected tone of voice. 

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance Bella, I hope we’ll make good lab partners for the rest of the school year.”

When it became pretty clear he wasn’t gonna shake my hand I slowly retracted it, as his empty, bored gaze returned to the front of the class. Eventually the teacher started talking and I tried to pay attention, but I couldn’t help but notice the stiffness that was suddenly apparent in Edward’s jaw as he stole the very, very occasional and quick glance at me. 

The class finished, eventually, and it seemed like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I had barely bent over to zip up my backpack before I felt a slight whir of movement behind me, and he was making his way through the classroom and away, the other students giving him a wide berth. 

I sighed softly, thankful that he at least didn’t appear to hate me. I’ll take being tolerated over being hated any day, thanks. 

After my final class of the day I walked out into the parking lot and headed over to the beat-up truck that Charlie had gifted me the day I arrived at his...my, house. He had bought it off one of his friends when he heard I was coming, and I was pleasantly surprised. Getting my license was one of the few things Renee had absolutely insisted on putting me through, almost forcing me through it really. So I was glad I appeared to have at least some measure of freedom here. 

As I was heading towards it I caught something out of the corner of my eye. The Cullens. The tiny one, I think Alice was her name, was hopping around in circles around the rest of the group, appearing extremely animated as she babbled on about something or other. I was too far away to actually make out any words, but I could tell her mouth was moving a mile a minute. 

The group eventually bundled up into two cars and took off down the road, and I felt an odd feeling wash over me as I stepped into my own truck and made my own way down the road. 

The afternoon eventually bled into an evening, which bled into a night sky. The already-gloomy look of the sky was darkened into a clouded night, with only a few beams of moonlight offering any solace to the darkness. I sat in my room at my desk, idly doodling on a sheet of notepaper as I read through one of the textbooks I had totally zoned out on. 

Drawing was one of the habits my therapist had insisted I pick up to keep my hands busy. Apparently keeping your hands idle can lead to just being idle in general, so having something to just _do_ helps a lot. So that’s what drawing was to me. I never really focused on the theory of it or anything, it was something I just _did._

My subconscious apparently really liked to draw people, my drawing pads were full of portraits. Of real people, characters from novels and movies, comic books, superheroes, or just random faces that just sprawled into being, born into existence on a piece of paper out of an idle pencil. 

This time I was drawing a group. I wasn’t paying too much attention, but when the sketch was basically done I realized I had drawn an image of the Cullen family sitting at their lunch table. I had gotten a lot of good views of their faces today, sitting there, so I supposed it was still on my mind. 

As I looked at it, I tried to remember all their names. There was obviously Alice, the tiny one who practically vibrated all the time. She was the one with the short, dark hair, and the round button face that lit up every time she spoke. She definitely had a motor mouth, and probably couldn’t be paid to sit still for more than five minutes, if that. 

There was Edward, my “lab partner”, he was the one that was the most detailed. That made sense, I spent a good chunk of time today sitting right next to him while he stole nervous glances the whole time like I was about to unhinge my jaw and go to town on him No-Face style at any minute. I got him right though. Bored, idle expression just gazing off at nothing and seemingly wild-yet-also-tamed hair, looking like he’d much rather just become part of the floor or the wallpaper. 

The blonde boy, Jasper, was the least detailed out of all of them. I didn’t really get much of an impression of him, I guess. It sort of resembled him, if you squinted, and knew the context behind the image with the rest of the people to fill in the blanks. 

Emmet of course was simple, he looked like if a football coach was a mad scientist and came up with the perfect specimen to play the sport, but with a naturally welcoming and friendly face that always appeared to have that doofy grin on it. 

And then there was Rosalie, the “frigid bitch” of the group. I tapped my pencil against my lips as I observed this part of the sketch. Maybe it was my own artistic vision failing me, but I was always shit at drawing villains, I just couldn’t seem to draw this girl looking _mean._ Cold and disinterested I could do, that was mostly just body language. 

But _mean?_

The girl in my sketch didn’t look mean. I tried to place the emotion that had bled from my pencil onto her face for a good ten minutes, but I just couldn’t nail it down. Eventually I just sighed and picked up the paper, crumpling it up and throwing it into the corner of the room, missing the trash bin. Ah well. I’d get it later. 

I was bored again now. 

Eventually I had to turn in to bed, the next day was coming soon and I suppose I should meet it head on. That’s what my therapist always told me anyway, _carpe diem_ and all. I twisted the lid off of my prescription bottle and tossed back my dose, drowning it down with a glass of pink lemonade. 

Crawling into bed, I sighed softly and pulled the blankets up to my chin, closing my eyes and slowly letting sleep crawl up and overtake me. 

As I faded away into the welcome fog of dreamland, I had a lingering thought that maybe Forks wouldn’t turn out to be as dreary as I first thought. 


	2. Spontaneous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I really didn't expect such a fast and positive response to this, everyone who commented was so lovely and we've already passed 50 kudos!! That's insane. So, since this little fic has gotten such a lovely response, I think I'll try and update it twice a week instead of just once! So from now on I'll attempt to update every Tuesday and Friday, although I might occasionally miss a Tuesday update. I'll do my best though! 
> 
> Anyway I really hope you all enjoy this next update! Enjoy it, tell me what you think, and have a wonderful day.
> 
> Alyss

_ spontaneous - adjective _

__ _ 1 - coming or resulting from a natural impulse or tendency; without effort or premeditation; natural and unconstrained; unplanned _

__ _ 2 - (of a person) given to acting upon sudden impulses _

_ ~~~ _

The next three weeks passed by in sort of a blur for me. Sure, I went to school and attended my classes and spoke maybe ten sentences total to the group of people I hung out with at lunch (Not quite sure if they counted as “friends” yet, seeing as I really only sat at their lunch table and still didn’t really have the ability to join into their conversations, and they sure weren’t in any hurry to make it easier for me. I suppose they hadn’t kicked me away to sit by myself yet though, so that was alright.) and I would hang out with Charlie in the evenings, do my homework, and go to bed. 

But all of that just whirred by me. I was bored. I was bored, lonely despite my lunchtime companions and I was tired of my only actual ‘conversations’ being a collection of terse back-and-forths consistenting of sentences with ten syllables or less with Charlie, a man I barely knew most of my life in the first place. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t love Charlie, though. I did, I suppose, as much as I really could given the circumstances, the poor man just had absolutely zero idea how to talk to an eighteen-year-old daughter he hasn’t spoken to in well over six years, and it really showed in the way he approached me. 

He was trying though, and I did appreciate that much. It was more than Renee did near the end. 

So, one day at the beginning of October, while I sat down at the lunch table with my pseudo-friends being bored for god knows how many days in a row now, I had lost track by this point, I decided to do something drastic tomorrow. Something that will at least break up the monotony, even if the consequences aren’t exactly positive. 

_ Carpe diem _ was a phrase my old therapist used to babble on about and drilled into my head over and over and over again in her efforts to help me with my depression, especially once I was on the meds and needed to start making coping decisions myself. It was a Latin expression that essentially meant “seize the day”, and it was supposed to be a small philosophy to help keep my life, well, interesting. Not boring. 

One of my old therapists biggest pieces of advice was that I should really stop looking at the short-term consequences of my decisions, especially social ones, and start thinking about the big picture instead. Obviously I shouldn’t hurt people, but if there were chances I could take, decisions I could make that wouldn’t really have that many long-term consequences if they went sour, I should probably take them. 

“Having short-term bad or uncomfortable experiences and learning from them, learning what you do and don’t like, learning what you can and can’t handle, how to act and carry yourself and how to not, is far better than having no experiences at all,” my therapist had said once while I was lazing on the couch trying to tune her out. 

“Discomfort and negative energy and emotions, while they definitely aren’t nice to experience in the moment, are important to helping us grow and become better people, we learn better from mistakes than we do successes. So go out there and make those mistakes! Be a human, fall down, scrape your knees, learn how to get back up and do it all over again. And eventually, you’ll stop falling down as much, and when you do fall down you’ll have a much better idea of how to pick yourself back up, even if all of that seems impossible or terrifying now.”

I had to admit she had a point. 

“Plus,” she had continued, “you also have no idea how many positive experiences you’ll get while making these decisions and taking these chances! I can guarantee you, it’ll be more than you think, and you’ll have a far more fulfilling life with that melting pot of good and bad experiences, rather than just the flat monotony of no experiences at all.”

I had left that session never really intending to take that advice to heart, but I also hadn’t ever really intended to be so goddamn  _ bored. _ And now that I was on SSRI’s, I wasn’t able to just fall back into the comfortable brain-fog that let boredom wash over me like a heavy wool blanket and just coast along it, now I was  _ aware _ of the boredom.

And I  _ hated _ it. 

Sure, Angela and her little gaggle of quirky folk had ‘adopted’ me at their table, and I wasn’t exactly perceived as a super-mega-loser and I wasn’t really getting bullied or anything, not anymore. But I also wasn’t really having any positive experiences either.

Just neutral ones. 

And the past three weeks had definitely been enough of a slow descent into boredom hell that I thought I finally figured out what the hell my old therapist had been banging on about with her talk about bad experiences to learn from being better than no experiences at all. 

With all of that in mind, as I finished gathering my food-like substances onto a tray in lunch today, I took a scan around the lunch room. I had arrived a little late today, for the sole purpose of making what was most likely going to be an absolutely terrible decision that I’d probably regret. 

So, even though I saw Angela waving me over to her little table of safe boredom, patting the seat she saved for me, I had other ideas. I caught her eye, shrugged, and did my best to put on an apologetic smile, mouthing ‘sorry’ to her as I moved off in a very different direction. 

I took a deep breath, and unceremoniously plopped my lunch tray, followed by myself, right next to the man himself, Edward Cullen. 

I couldn’t see their faces because they were sitting behind me, but I could distinctly hear the shocked gasp from Angela, and a stage-whispered  _ “what the fuck is she doing??”  _ from Lauren. 

The person sat next to me however, had the most beautiful look of absolute confusion painted all over his face. I almost wish I had a camera with me to get a picture of the day I managed to wipe that zombie’d out bored look off of Edward Cullen’s face. 

Even though he had almost entirely ignored me since our introductions in biology, even going so far as to sit as far away from me as physically possible while staying at the same desk, and leaving class the instant it was over, he was the only Cullen I had a class with, so I figured sitting next to him would be the best bet for my crazy stupid plan to have any chance of working out in my favor, not that I really expected it to anyway. I figured at best they’d just tolerate me today, and when I tried it tomorrow I’d get kicked out. 

“Hey Edward,” I said, trying my best to put on a ‘i don’t give a shit’ grin. I was usually pretty good at those, but in this moment I had no idea how well I was succeeding. I was doing it, I was seizing the damn day, but it didn’t mean I was really any  _ good _ at it.

Edward blinked, but said nothing. I felt triumphant that I had apparently truly flabbergasted him, but I tried to keep it internal. 

What I wasn’t ready for was the bone-chilling scathing tone that came from a few seats down, on the far corner from me, opposite side of the table. 

“Are you sure you have the right table?” came the searing question, nearly burning my ears with the pure  _ ticked off-ness _ of the words. The voice, of course, came from none other than Rosalie, the alleged “frigid bitch”. I was pretty sure she wasn’t so frigid when those words came with so much fire, but I digress. 

She was glaring at me with a Medusa-esque gaze that I could really only describe as ‘venomous’ and I was honestly pretty surprised I didn’t just turn to stone right then and there. 

“U-uhhh...maybe?” I stammered out. Jesus, when was the last time I stammered? Normally I’m really good at this. I had been fully ready to embrace some pretty harsh rejection right from moment one in my mind’s eye, but actually experiencing it after a whole summer and September of experiencing almost total neutrality, it caught me totally off guard and I found out I wasn’t as steeled to it as I had been before. “Edward’s my biology lab partner, so…” I muttered, my head dipping down a little as I fidgeted with my tray. 

“Rose, stop being mean!” piped up the tiny one, and my head whipped up in surprise, staring at her. “We don’t own this table you know! And I’ve been hoping she comes back to this table ever since I saw her sitting here the first day she got here, until  _ you _ scared her off!” 

I blinked in total surprise. The tiny one was defending me?

“But she’s…” Rosalie snarled. “She should just fuck off.”

Alice promptly ignored her, turning her attention to me. She was sitting directly across from me, so it wasn’t exactly difficult for her to just turn to me and start talking, shutting the blonde out. 

“I’m really sorry about Rosalie, she can be a bit prickly at times,” she said, speaking with a gentle warmth that made me feel a lot better about my decision to sit here. “Any friend of Edward’s is absolutely welcome to sit with us!”

“She’s not my friend,” Edward deadpanned. 

“Not for lack of trying,” I muttered under my breath, still a little too afraid to let the full sass out in the presence of Rosalie. My legs were still quivering a little bit. I didn’t mean it to be heard, but apparently I was louder than I thought, because Alice found that hilarious. 

“Oh come on Edward let her sit with us! Look at her, she’s so cute! I just wanna wrap her up and take her home!” Alice tittered, looking at me as she practically vibrated in her seat, bouncing and fidgeting like the human personification of a coked-out squirrel. 

It was endearing, if I’m being totally honest. But I wasn’t sure I liked being called  _ cute _ . Cute was never a compliment that really suited me. 

But I was grateful that at least one of the Cullens was happy at my presence, and I nodded in gratitude. Alice beamed at me, and I couldn’t help smiling back. 

Rosalie snorted and turned her gaze downwards, flipping her book back open and reading it with a fierce intensity. I was about to ask what she was reading, more out of curiosity than any desire to provoke her, but I was quickly interrupted by Alice babbling again, and I realized it was me she was speaking to. 

“So you’ve already met Edward, and I’m Alice, this is Jasper,” she said, indicating the blonde boy sitting next to her. I gave him a little wave of greeting, and he gave me a forced smile back and nodded. He looked pretty uncomfortable, but I chalked it up to social anxiety. I can relate, dude. 

“This is Emmet,” Alice continued, pointing at the boy sitting on the other side of Edward. 

“What’s up short stuff?” Emmet asked, leaning over and looking at me with that big doofy grin of his. I cocked an eyebrow at him. 

“If I’m short, what’s she?” I asked, jerking my head towards Alice. 

The table fell silent, and I was worried I pushed things too far for a second, before Emmet burst out snickering and shrugged his shoulders. “Uh, I dunno. A Who? Like, from that Doctor Seuss book?”

“Emmet!!” Alice yelped, reaching over and smacking her brother on the arm. “Rude!” 

“What!! It’s not my fault you’re small!” Emmet retorted playfully. 

“I’m not that small you’re just ginormous!” 

“You are pretty small,” Jasper muttered, the faint hint of an actual smile on his lips. Alice gasped in feigned offense, clapping her hand over her heart and looking at the boy sitting next to her. 

“Betrayed! Betrayed by my own love! How could you Jazz?”

I couldn’t help it at that point, and I just started giggling. The others all fell silent again, but I couldn’t exactly put the giggling back now, so I just let it grow into a full blown laugh, which after a moment of awkward silence, Emmet joined in on, followed by Alice. Even Jasper let out a nervous chuckle.

Edward just rolled his eyes, and Rosalie huffed. 

When the laughter died down, Alice continued with the final introduction. “And lastly, the frosty one over there is Rosalie. Don’t mind her nature, she’s really not that bad once you get used to her.”

Rosalie refused to offer any sort of greeting, and I got the feeling she was trying to make a point of ignoring me. 

“What’s your name?” Alice asked, turning to me and beaming again. She had a rather disarming smile, and I felt my words jumble up a little in my mouth, and I had to take a second to rearrange them back in the right order. 

“I’m, uh, Bella. Bella Swan,” I mumbled, holding out my hand. Alice looked at it for a second before grasping it and shaking it quickly, that smile still plastered onto her face. I blinked at how cold her hands were, even though it was October and the air was starting to chill, her hands were much cooler than my own. “Wow, cold hands,” I commented, smiling a little. 

“Bad circulation,” Alice said with a sheepish smile. “I always have cold hands, even in the middle of summertime. You just recently moved here from Phoenix, right? That’s so cool! We just moved here recently from Alaska. Do you like it here? I absolutely love it in Forks, it’s so quaint!” The comment about her hands thankfully didn’t seem to faze her at all as she immediately resumed her babbling. 

I blinked rapidly as I was still trying to process that I was still being spoken to and engaged with after the introductions were over, having fully expected the group to recede into their own conversation.

“Yeah, uh, I recently moved in with my dad. He’s the police chief here actually,” I said, taking a moment to take a bite of my food. The group wasn’t eating, again, but I mean, the food wasn’t really that great. They probably ate elsewhere, or brought food from home. 

“Dude that’s dope!” Emmet said with a grin. “Is he like, extra hard on you, or is he, yknow, cool?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

I shrugged. “He’s my dad, I think I’m morally obligated to think of him as the most un-cool being in existence.”

That got a laugh from Emmet, who reached over behind Edward to clap me on the back, causing me to cough a little. 

“I like her already!” Emmet announced, his grin somehow getting wider. 

“Do you like it here in Forks? I bet it’s way different from Phoenix, I hear it gets really hot out there! I can’t imagine it, being out in the sunlight like that all the time with no natural shade or rain!” Alice babbled, leaning forward with interest and curiosity sparkling in her eyes. 

I was really not used to being the center of attention like this, and I felt a flush beginning to creep up the back of my neck. 

“It’s, uh, okay I guess. Kind of like, boring and gloomy sometimes I suppose? With the weather change and all, so it’s a pretty big difference.”

“I like the weather here!” Emmet declared. “Thunderstorms are like, peaceful to me.”

“Really? I can’t sleep during a thunderstorm, the noise gives me anxiety,” I said, not sure why I felt so comfortable sharing information with these people. 

“Oh no that’s awful!” Alice said, frowning a little as she pictured my distress during an imaginary thunderstorm. “How do you deal with it?”

I shrugged. “I draw, usually. That’s what I always do to like, burn off steam or just to keep my hands busy.”

Alice let out a gasp at that, clapping her hand to her mouth. “You  _ draw?  _ Oh my god I must see your work, do you have anything with you now?”

I smiled and found myself suppressing a giggle. Alice really was a little bundle of pure energy, and her excitement was contagious. “I uh, I don’t really carry any of my drawing pads with me, and I don’t really wanna just show you the random doodles I do in my notebooks. I could bring one of my pads with me tomorrow though?” I offered, not really sure where that came from. Normally I’d rather die than share my artwork. 

But she was so... _ excited. _

“Please do so! You can sit here with us at lunch again, and show us your work! Right?” she squealed, looking around at the rest of the table for affirmation. 

“That sounds pretty cool to me!” Emmet said, looking pleased at the idea. “The others are way more artsy-fartsy than I am, but I can appreciate cool drawings. Hey, maybe you could draw me!” 

I shrugged, trying to not seem nervous at the prospect of drawing a real actual person who was sitting in front of me watching me do it. “Y-yeah, maybe.”

Edward shrugged in a noncommittal manner, and Jasper nodded in approval. I was beginning to pick up the differences between the two, while Edward just seemed cold and dismissive and actively trying to ignore my presence as best he could, Jasper just seemed like a man of few words. 

“That settles it then! You shall sit with us tomorrow and show us your beautiful artwork!” Alice said, clapping her hands together. 

“I don’t know if I’d call it ‘beautiful’...” I murmured, finding my gaze pointing at the one Cullen who hadn’t given a response either way. Rosalie seemed determined to continue getting through this lunch without acknowledging I even exist, and I felt a droopy feeling start to form in my stomach. 

But Alice started babbling again, so I turned back to face her. 

_ ~~~ _

Eventually that lunch period had concluded and I continued on with my day. The rest of the day was pretty much the same as the past three weeks, but I managed to get through it feeling a lot lighter in my chest. 

I had actually done something exciting, even if I had gotten mildly verbally lambasted by one of the Cullens and continued to be totally socially rejected by my lab partner, at least two of the Cullens seemed pretty cool with me, and one of them was at least agreeable to my existence. 

I was holding out the slightest hope that biology would hold a surprise in store for me, but if anything things were even worse as Edward looked like he was trying his damndest to ignore me, even ignoring my class-related questions for the first time, pointedly staring out the window with a tightly clenched jaw. I just sighed after class was over and gathered up my things. 

As the day concluded and I headed towards my truck, I was pleasantly surprised by the sight of a certain small brunette bounding up to me, her hands clasped behind her back as she stood in front of me with a grin. 

“Hello Bella! Are you going home?” Alice asked with her signature beaming smile on her face, swaying back and forth. 

“That’s the plan,” I said with a chuckle, not sure how to really handle being actively approached like this. 

“It was so lovely meeting you today! I hope Rosalie and Edward didn’t scare you off by being rude, you seem like an absolute delight and I’m sure they’ll come around.”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” I said, trying to push down the droopy feeling in my stomach that had returned at the mention of the other Cullens. “I really liked meeting you too, and talking to you.”

Alice bounced happily in place before giving me a little wave, hopping back over to her siblings. “I’ll see you tomorrow Bella!” 

I raised a hand and waved to her back, not really sure why, she wouldn’t see me after all. She crashed right into Jasper, who stumbled a little as he tried to catch her, and she clung onto him in a hug, and even from this far away I could tell she was already rattling off about some new topic. 

Emmet had been looking over where she came from, and when he saw me he waved at me, and I waved back, smiling wider. 

The other three Cullens though, didn’t seem to notice. Which was fine. I didn’t mind. 

I just got in my truck and went home. 

_ ~~~ _

__ I found myself sitting across from my dad in the living room that evening, reading an old novel I had lying around while he chewed on the dinner I had hastily thrown together when I got home, and he had some sports thing on the TV he was watching. 

“So…” I started, suddenly feeling an urge to share. “I think I may have made a new friend today, although whether she’s a human or a squirrel is still up in the air.”

Charlie blinked and smiled, turning to face me. “That’s great Bells! Who is it? And what do you mean a squirrel?”

“Uh, her name is Alice, Alice Cullen? I sat with her and her siblings at lunch today, she’s nice. And she’s just like uh, really excitable and fidgety. Can’t sit still.”

“Cullen huh? Dr. Cullen’s kids?” Charlie said as he stroked his chin, a knowing look coming across his face. “Well that’s interesting I suppose, he’s a good man and I bet he’s raised fine children. I’m glad you’re starting to socialize more, me and your mom knew a change in environment would probably do you some good.”

I frowned at that, feeling a sour sensation in my gut. I started talking cus I wanted to talk about my first successful social interaction in ages, not think about my mom offloading me because she’d rather go gallivanting around the country with a baseball player than take care of her daughter. But I shrugged and tried to continue on. “Yeah, uh, she’s sweet. Her family is a bit odd though. Two of the three boys are...really quiet, and kind of standoffish, and her sister Rosalie is very, ah...frosty. Her brother Emmet is cool though, he seemed to like me.”

“Well hey, two out of five isn’t the worst thing ever,” Charlie said with a crooked smile. “I’m really glad though Bells, that’s awesome. You gonna hang out with her tomorrow?”

“I hope so,” I muttered, suddenly losing the urge to read. “I should, uh, I should go do my homework, I think, and then get some sleep. G’night, dad.”

“That’s a great idea Bells, get some good rest. Goodnight!” he called up to me as I went up the stairs. 

Arriving in my room I let out a sigh and sank into my desk, pulling out a few textbooks and starting to work. I was about thirty minutes into homework before I got distracted and one of my older drawing pads that I had left out caught my eye. I grabbed it and started flipping through it a little, wondering if this was an acceptable one to show off tomorrow. 

Maybe if I brought one of my pads with the really good stuff, it would impress the Cullens. I figure Alice will be impressed with a bunch of stick figures holding hands, she’s that kind of girl, but I want the others to notice too. Maybe I could even get Edward to take the stick out of his ass and notice as well. 

Or maybe even Rosalie. 

Snapping the pad shut, I let my thoughts drift towards the tall, chilling blonde, and a shiver ran down my spine. Determined to ignore it, I wriggled in my seat and popped up out of it, standing up and walking over to the shelf where I kept all my completed drawing pads. I thumbed through them and pulled out the most recent one, flipping through it. 

No, this one was no good, I was mostly practicing landscapes with this one, they’re trash. Maybe the second most recent one?

Here we go. This one was full of portraits, which were what I was best at. I ignored the shiver from earlier, it probably meant nothing right?, and I decided that this one would be fine. It was mostly full of pieces I was happy with, and as I flipped through it I gently tore out all the unfinished sketches, and all the pieces that, in hindsight, I wasn’t actually all that fond of. 

The unfinished work got crumpled up and put in the bin, but the finished pieces got gently folded and put into a blue plastic folder I kept tucked under my bed. I couldn’t ever bring myself to just toss out finished pieces, they were evidence of my progress, even if I didn’t like them. 

So I just kept them in a folder out of sight where I didn’t have to think about them too much. 

Satisfied with my ‘portfolio’ I returned with it to my desk, setting it on top of my backpack. I then attempted to resume my homework, but kept getting distracted by anticipation of the next day. After the third distraction, I was really kinda surprised at myself.

When was the last time I was actually  _ excited _ for the next day to come, enough to where I was feeling jittery and nervous about it?

I sat back and thought about it, and after a while I realized I genuinely couldn’t remember. 


	3. Presentation

_presentation - noun_

_1 - the act of ‘presenting’ (presenting - verb. 1 - to make a gift to. 2 - to offer to view)_

_2 - an immediate object of perception, cognition, or memory_

_~~~_

My stomach was doing flips as I pulled into the school lot. Several things had been crowding at my mind all morning, and as I stared at my backpack wherein lied the prepared drawing pad I had brought today to show off to the Cullens, my mind continued to wander. 

Did they even really want to see it? Would they even acknowledge my existence today? Alice had been very nice and friendly, and Emmet seemed very personable to me. The other three though, had been...less so. Jasper not out of any malice, but the other two were both either indifferent or openly antagonistic. 

Maybe Alice was just being polite, and was really hoping that I would just choose to sit at a different place today and ignore them. Or maybe she just wanted to laugh at my terrible artistry skills. 

I shook my head and started to take deep breaths, keeping my hands on the steering wheel as I closed my eyes, working on some of the coping mechanisms for negative thoughts that my therapist had taught me. I calmed myself down with slow, rhythmic breathing, and I repeated a comfort phrase in my mind. 

Or in my case, it was a comfort song. 

One of my only really positive memories with Charlie was when I was pretty young, sailing with him and some of his buddies off the coast of La Push. They had been fishing, which was an activity I normally hated tagging along for since Charlie usually just ignored me, but this visit he had actually sat with me and taught me some sea shanties. I even still remembered them, and my favorite had always been _Old Maui_ , and I would sing it to myself in my head to calm myself down. 

Sometimes when I sang it, I could even imagine the echo of other voices harmonizing with me, like the proper way a shanty should be sung. 

But by the song’s conclusion my breathing was stable, and I let out a deep breath. I leaned down, picked up my backpack, and slung it over my shoulder, heading out of my truck and heading into the school. 

Fittingly of course, as soon as I had just finished assuaging my own anxieties about the day, one of the prime objects of them had bounded into my view. I had arrived at the same time as the Cullens, and Alice had darted right up to me. 

“Good morning Bella! Did you sleep well?” she inquired, falling into step next to me and flashing me her signature smile. 

I couldn’t help but return it as I felt the last dredges of my anxiety wash off my shoulders for now. If Alice was going to come up and initiate a conversation with me, I was pretty sure I was in the clear for lunch, with at least one Cullen anyway. 

“Sort of,” I said casually, not particularly wanting to admit that the anxiety of later today had kept me up and made my sleep pretty erratic. “But I suppose I can’t really complain.”

“I’m happy to hear that! Will you be joining us for lunch again today? I hope Rose didn’t scare you off yesterday…” Alice said, her face scrunching up a little. I had to admit, it was adorable. 

“If that’s alright…?” I asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck and adjusting my coat a little. Genuine social interaction was still something I was getting used to, I was much more comfortable in the realm of ‘making snide and sassy comments or retorts to make people go away’, and the only practice I had outside of that in recent memory was Charlie and my old therapist. 

“Of course it’s alright! I’m so excited!” Alice said, her voice pitching up. She clapped her hands together again before reaching out with a finger to gently prod my nose. “Boop! I have to return to my siblings now, but I’ll see you later!”

And with that she was off, bounding into the arms of Jasper who managed to catch her. He was wearing an awkward smile on his face, and I noticed Alice immediately returned to her natural state of constant babble. 

The rest of the day I couldn’t help the small smile that kept creeping onto my face. 

Eventually though, lunchtime rolled around and my stomach began to churn again. It was a familiar anxiety, although this time the reasons were much more indecipherable. I was sure that Alice was going to be kind and friendly, and Emmet would probably accept my presence, he seemed like a very ‘loving life’ kinda guy. 

So what was I worried about? The others? Jasper seemed pretty awkward but he didn’t seem to _dislike_ my presence, and Edward would constantly just look like he was mildly disgusted by me but he kept his mouth shut and usually just pretended I didn’t exist. 

Was it Rosalie?

The feeling kept building up as I gripped my backpack tightly, the drawing pad sequestered inside. I had checked on it every single time I opened my backpack, and it had survived so far. I took a deep breath, and pushed into the cafeteria. 

My eyes darted quickly around, scanning to see if the Cullens had arrived yet or not. I felt a pang in my chest as I realized they hadn’t yet, the table they normally sat at was totally empty. Maybe I could still change my mind, and get out of this. Maybe it was a bad idea. 

My mind began to swim with anxieties as I got my food and started to make my way towards the table. I could see Angela waving at me out of the corner of my eye but I could barely focus on her as my throat became thick with anxiety. 

_Was this really a good idea?_

_Maybe they were just going to make fun of me._

_Maybe they were going to set my drawing pad on fire? Or just rip it up._

_Maybe-_

My thoughts got interrupted by the sound of my tray clattering onto the table. I had sat down. I managed to sneak a look behind me at Angela, who was looking at me with her mouth agape, utter confusion painting itself all over her face. I shrugged and tried to smile at her, but with my anxiety doing triple-somersaults I wasn’t really sure how well I succeeded. 

Everything was so wobbly, I could feel my legs shaking. My heart was pounding in my chest. Why was I so _anxious_? Alice invited me. Twice. There is absolutely zero reason for me to feel anxious. Absolutely none. 

I took a shaky breath and decided to just try and eat. That would be a good distraction. I got a few bites in and was starting to feel a little calmer when a loud squealing voice pierced through the regular chatter of the cafeteria, and I felt a rush of movement behind me when something collided into my back, sending a jolt through my whole body. I squawked out in shock as a pair of arms draped around me and gave me a quick hug.

“Oh you actually came! I was worried you weren’t going to! Hi Bella!”

I sighed in relief as I quickly identified the owner of the arms as Alice Cullen, who else was I expecting it to be really, and she promptly plopped down next to me beaming her signature smile at me. The other Cullens awkwardly moved to take their own seats, with Emmet being the only other one to directly greet me. 

“Hey there Hell’s Bells! You gonna draw my portrait today?” he asked with a toothy grin, sitting down opposite of me. 

“Hell’s Bells?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow. My pleasure at not being ditched or rejected was quickly distracted by the suddenness of the nickname. Emmet continued his grin and shrugged. 

“Oh he does that all the time, he’ll cycle through a dozen different nicknames in a week before he starts running out of ideas,” Alice said with a snicker. 

“What can I say, it’s part of my charm,” Emmet said with a shrug. 

The others settled in as well, with Jasper sitting on the other side of Alice. I noticed that the two of them almost immediately clasped hands underneath the table, in a rather tight grip. Rosalie sat on the other side of Jasper, seemingly trying to get as far away from me as she could. Edward sat next to Emmet, shooting me a few of those strange, almost panicked glances as he slowly got settled in. 

I still had no idea what his deal was. 

I sighed as I expected to be totally ignored by the trio, but I was pleasantly surprised when Jasper caught my eye and gave me a nod of greeting. “Hey there,” he said softly, in a rather pleasant southern drawl. 

Rosalie just snorted with derision and flipped open a book, staring intensely at it. I winced but tried my best to move past it, ignoring the return of the odd droopy feeling in my stomach. I returned Jasper’s greeting with a small smile, and tried to just be thankful that Rosalie wasn’t verbally kebab-ing me again. 

“So did you bring it?” Alice said with a grin, turning to give me her full attention. She looked extremely excited. I froze up for a second, my brain on overdrive, before I realized what Alice was referring to. 

“O-oh! Yeah, uh, here…” I mumbled, opening up my bag and digging out the drawing pad. I handed it to Alice, trying my best to not look like a total idiot. “Just so you know, I uh, I’m not like a….professional, or anything, so don’t expect much, I’m just kind of okay at it…”

Alice snatched the pad out of my hands and immediately started flicking through it, pushing all the food trays aside and carefully placing the drawing pad down in the middle of the table, making sure it stayed away from any residue. 

“Ohmygosh Bella these are wonderful! You definitely have quiet a talent,” Alice squealed as she flipped through the pages. Jasper murmured an agreement as he inspected them, and Emmet leaned over and craned his neck to try and get a better view. The pieces were mostly portraits, my best work, and Alice couldn’t stop cooing over them as she traced them with her fingers. “I absolutely love this one! The way you shaded it is exquisite, and I really like the color work, what do you use?”

“Uh, just...colored pencils, sometimes colored pens...I can’t really afford the really nice stuff…” I mumbled, looking away in embarrassment. I could feel a flush creeping up my neck. I wasn’t used to receiving so much _praise_ and it was _weird_. But also...not exactly unpleasant. 

“Okay Bellarina, now you _definitely_ need to draw me,” Emmet said, a little bit of awe creeping into his voice. “What do you say? I can even model nude for you if you want,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me and winking. 

“Emmet!” Alice yelped, slapping him on the arm. 

“Whaaaat! I’m just saying!” he protested with a hearty chuckle. 

Jasper didn’t have any verbal comments, but I could tell he was interested as he leaned over, curiosity coloring his gaze as Alice continued to flip through the pages. Even Edward had taken a few glances at it, once or twice he even leaned in to get a better look at a piece. 

I was thoroughly mortified at this point, although I wasn’t entirely sure I really _hated_ the feeling. It was...nice, having people actually take an interest in the things I enjoyed. Renee didn’t really care about my interests even before I started having problems, and Charlie had no idea how to engage with it. And I certainly never had that sort of interaction with my therapist. 

“You actually like them…?” I mumbled, finally managing to make myself look at Alice. 

“Like them!?” Alice gasped, her mouth agape as she whirled to look at me. “No I don’t like them, I _love_ them. You’re really good at this! Especially for someone who isn’t using professional grade materials! These are incredible.”

I broke a little at that and pulled my hoodie over my head in a futile attempt to cover up my blushing, which was causing my face to feel like it was burning up. “I-I’m not _that_ good though…” I protested weakly. 

“Bellarina you’re fucking dope,” Emmet said, reaching over to clap me on the shoulder, jolting my whole body. I let out a nervous chuckle at that, my mind whirling with zero ideas on how to handle all this damn _praise_. 

Alice had gone suspiciously quiet as she flipped through the last final pages, and as she got to the end of the pad she noticed that the last five or six pages were left blank. She looked a little confused, turning back to me. “Oh! This isn’t finished?” she asked, curiosity lacing her voice. 

“Oh, I almost never fill out pads,” I said absently, too embarrassed at this point to really care about what I was saying. “It’s like, a weird mental thing I guess? If I get too close to finishing a pad, I start getting anxious about filling in the last few pages in case I make mistakes or it turns out bad, so I just can’t even do it at all and I end up just starting a new pad.”

Nodding, Alice retreated back to her pondering state for a few moments. At this point I was pretty sure it was the longest I’d ever seen this girl willingly stay silent. In fact, I was beginning to worry about her when Alice, nodding to no one in particular, clapped her hands together and had a decisive look on her face. 

She dug a pencil out of her bag and thrusted it in my face, along with the drawing pad. 

“Draw something now!” she said, beaming. 

“W-w-what!?” I sputtered out, hesitantly taking the pad. Alice was still holding out the pencil, and she waggled it a little in her hand. “But, I, I can’t-”

“You totally can! Look at how amazing all these pieces are! I’m sure you can totally draw something right now if you wanted. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy!” Alice said, thrusting the pencil a little closer to me. 

“I-I dunno Alice…” I mumbled, I was pretty sure my heart was going to leap right out of my chest and run away at this point, and my face was positively melting. 

“Hmm…” Alice muttered, tapping her lips with her finger. “I know! If you can draw something for us right now, you can come over to our house sometime and draw something there! We have a whole studio filled with professional-grade art supplies and equipment, paints, pencils, pens, paper, canvas, oils, anything!” 

I pursed my lips and gripped my drawing pad tightly. I had to admit, it was a tempting offer. Number two pencils and shoddy dollar-store drawing paper and colored pens were starting to get a little troublesome to use. But…

I bit my lip as I eyed the pencil in Alice’s hand. My heart was hammering away as I thought about it, my mind racing. Drawing wasn’t ever really something I _focused_ on, it was just a way to work off excess energy and have an outlet for my hands when they were feeling idle. I never really had to _think_ too hard about it. 

“Alice...I’m really not sure if I can…” I mumbled. 

“Pleeeease?” Alice wheedled, thrusting the pencil gently forwards again. “I promise you can do it, you’re super duper talented.”

I was about to weakly protest and say no again when I noticed that on the other side of Alice and Jasper, Rosalie had closed her book. She wasn’t directly looking at me, per say, she looked as if she was gazing off into space, but I swore for a few seconds that Rosalie had shot a vaguely interested look at the pad when I had taken it from Alice. There, she just looked at me again. For just a few seconds. I think. 

I gulped, the sound deafening in my ears. Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath, and nodded briefly. Opening my eyes again I took the pencil out of Alice’s hand, who squealed happily and clapped her hands together in delight. I pushed my tray off to the side. 

Setting up my pad, I smoothed out one of the blank pieces of paper near the end and held the pencil in my hand, trying to stop myself from shaking as I thought about what to draw. My breathing was rattling in my chest as I hesitantly brought the lead to the paper, then pulling it back again. I never _thought_ about what to draw, it just...it just happened. I would be bored, I would pull out a drawing pad, grab a pencil, and then just start making lines and eventually those lines would make sense. 

Sure I did some specific practices for things sometimes, once I started taking a small amount of pride in what I had done, but aside from specific practice I never _thought_ about what to draw. 

I repeated the movement of the pencil a few more times, touching it to the paper before pulling back hesitantly. Then I blinked in surprise when I felt a cool touch on my wrist. Alice had gently rested her fingertips on me, and was smiling at me. When I caught her gaze she gave me a little wink and mouthed ‘you totally got this’. 

Then I took another deep breath, surprisingly it was stable. Then I just relaxed, trying to let my mind slip into a calm, lucid state. I focused on the cool touch on my wrist first, then expanded my focus to the cloud of white noise chatter around me. After a few moments I let it all fade into the background and my hand began to move, slowly outlining a head and shoulders, sketching out some basic facial features and part of the hairline. 

I wasn’t even sure what I was drawing entirely, just as I normally did. I just let my mind and hand roll with whatever came out of the pencil, and soon with practiced ease the outline of the head and shoulders became much clearer, and the face started to bleed into view. I could hear the faint murmur of Alice’s voice, but I had no idea what she was saying. 

Soon the hair was filled in, long and flowing down the side of the person’s head and cascading over their shoulders. I started to fill in the basic facial features, drawing a firm, angled face, yet it wasn’t harsh in its lines, simply firm and very well defined, even soft at this angle. The person I was drawing was staring languidly off into space somewhere behind my shoulder, what exactly she was staring at though, I had no idea. 

As more of the face started filling in and falling into place a soft elegance began to emit from the figure that was becoming into being on the paper below me. The lips were drawn in a tight line, not smiling, but not exactly frowning either, just focused in a quiet determination. The eyes were narrowed in that same focus, but again, lacking any sort of real harshness. It was a gentle, determined focus. Unwavering, calm, almost serene. 

I started to erase most of my guiding lines and filled in more of the subtle touches, refining the person’s elegance with slightly defined cheekbones and a firm jawline. The nose was dainty and curved, providing a perfect centerpiece for what was proving to be an absolutely beautiful face. 

Once I was satisfied with the features I started shading it in, putting a soft lighting on the face. Just using a basic pencil meant I couldn’t do a whole lot with it, but I did what I could. I thought it turned out pretty okay. 

When I finished I let out a deep, contented sigh. Despite my anxiety, I was actually quite proud of the work in front of me. I handed Alice back her pencil and gazed down at my own work for a moment. The woman on the paper in front of me was very strong and determined, loyal, I decided. Firm and stiff, but with a soft gentleness hiding just beneath the surface. A porcelain mask over a sea of inner strength. 

I slid the pad towards Alice, indicating I was definitely done. 

“Wow Bella…” Alice murmured, awe in her voice as she reached out a finger to trace lines over the drawing. “This is...really something, is it supposed to be someone specific?” 

I shrugged and felt the urge to shrink back into my hoodie return as the serene state of mind I was in for the drawing started to go away, and I was back to just being Me. “I-I dunno. I just started drawing.”

Emmet reached over and picked up the pad, examining the drawing with a furrowed brow. He leaned over and shoved the pad into Edward’s face, whose eyebrows raised in something resembling...surprise? Was Edward actually impressed with my work?

“Hey sis,” Emmet began with a smile, flipping the pad back around towards Alice, holding it in his hands. “Doesn’t this look familiar to you at all?”

Alice frowned and leaned in, getting a closer look at it. Jasper was leaning in too, his brow furrowed as he mumbled something under his breath that I couldn’t quite catch. I couldn’t help myself and leaned in as well, I hadn’t _meant_ to draw anyone on purpose and I was curious as to what they all saw. 

Then Alice gasped next to me and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh it _does!_ ” she squeaked, wriggling in her seat. “Jazz, look, look!” she tittered, holding in a giggle as she pointed at the drawing. 

Jasper was nodding as the same look of surprise crossed his face that I had seen on Edward earlier. 

“Uhh...I have no idea what you’re talking about, I didn’t draw anyone specific I don’t think…?” I said with a nervous laugh, running a hand through my hair. 

Then another hand reached out and snatched the pad out of Emmet’s grasp, and I gulped hard, my whole body immediately starting to tremble. 

Rosalie was holding the pad in her hand, looking at it with a blank expression. She held it up a little higher, then placed it down on her lap, then held it back up again. The faintest change of expression washed over her face as her lips moved slightly. I wasn’t sure if it was a smile or a grimace or a frown, but it was definitely _something_. 

What I wasn’t expecting however, was for Rosalie to lay the pad down in front of her and slowly, methodically tear off the piece of paper, separating it from the rest of the pad. 

“H-hey!” I protested meekly. “What are you doing…?”

Rosalie turned her gaze on me and I balked as I was met with a stony, intimidating expression. Those indescribable honey-gold eyes seemed to bore into me, causing a litany of confusing and conflicting feelings to wash over me like whitewater rapids. Her expression was almost completely indecipherable as she started to fold the paper in half once, then twice, then again before gently slipping it into a pocket of her own bag. 

“Uh…” I said, not sure what just happened. None of the others spoke up either as Rosalie kept her gaze locked onto me. She didn’t seem in any hurry to break the silence either though, so I decided to. “Can...I have my drawing back?”

“No,” Rosalie growled. Her brow furrowed as her eyes hardened, that scowl returning to her face as she quickly flipped her book back open, staring down at it with a renewed intensity. 

“Uh...why not?” I asked, wondering why the hell I kept pushing it. Normally I would’ve just backed out at this point, happy to escape the interaction, but there was just this curiosity burning in my gut. What on earth was going on?

But no more words were forthcoming from Rosalie. A few moments later the bell rang, causing me to jump in my seat. The Cullens were quick to stand up, quickly packing up their things and dumping their trays. As I hurried to get my stuff in order as well, Alice bounded back up to me. 

“So?” she asked, the big smile she normally wore back on her face as if nothing strange had just happened. 

“....sooo….?” I repeated, unsure as to what Alice was asking. 

“You held up your end of the deal. Would you like to come over tonight? I’m sure my parents would _love_ to meet you, and you can join me in our studio and paint with me! Or draw, whatever you please!” Alice said, giggling. 

I had completely forgotten about that in the wake of Rosalie abducting my drawing, which I still hadn’t gotten back. And at this point I was pretty sure I _wasn’t_ going to get it back. 

“O-oh! Yeah, I guess? Can I have your address? And what time?” I asked, my stomach starting to do turns again. I had managed to successfully show off my art, but this was just a short lunch break. Could I handle an extended period of social interaction with these people? 

“Here!” Alice said, pulling out her phone and handing it to me. “Put in your number and I’ll text you the details, and then you’ll have my number too! And we can chat and stuff!” 

I nodded and quickly put in my number to the delight of the tiny pixie standing opposite of me. She squeaked as she took the phone back, looking at the new contact and grinning wide. She quickly typed up and fired off a text before saying goodbye and bounding over to Jasper, who had waited patiently for her while the others went their separate ways. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket as I received the text, just standing there in a daze as people filtered out of the cafeteria. Eventually I managed to get through my last classes, and Edward even tersely acknowledged me in biology which was a nice change of pace. 

Sure it was with just a more blatant look of strange discomfort than usual, but hey at least he acknowledged my existence. That had to count for something. 

As I was leaving the school I pulled my phone out and checked the text that Alice sent me, making sure I had the time right. I had enough time to go home and fix up some food for me and Charlie before heading out, so I jumped into my truck and headed home. 

I finished up the dinner and handed Charlie his plate, and he sat down at the table with me. As we finished eating, I coughed to get his attention and started talking. 

“So, uh, dad, you remember what I told you yesterday? About Alice?” I started, unsure how to proceed with the conversation. 

He grunted an affirmative and looked up at me. “Yeah, the Cullen kid right? What about her?” he asked, sounding curious. 

“Well, uh, she invited me over to her place tonight, apparently they have a fully decked out studio there with art supplies…” I mumbled. “It’s cool if I go over right?”

Charlie blinked slowly and nodded. “Uh, yeah I don’t see why not. You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions. I didn’t know you were that serious about the art stuff though, that’s really cool Bells.”

I smiled and got up, walking over and giving him a quick hug. Even if he was going to be really awkward about it, he was definitely trying to be a good dad, and I appreciated it. “Thanks dad, I’ll try to not stay out too late.”

Charlie had an embarrassed smile on his face from the hug, which he awkwardly returned, before I pulled away and headed upstairs to put on some more suitable clothes. Wearing ratty jeans and a black hoodie was all well and good for trying to be ignored at school, but actually going over to a friends house probably required a little more effort. 

So I put on one of my nicer shirts and a pair of jeans that wasn’t ripped to hell, and a decent looking sweatshirt to keep the fall air off me a little. Running a brush through my hair I checked my phone, and noticed another text from Alice. 

_You should bring one of your pads to show my mother! She’s also an artist and would appreciate seeing it!_

I shrugged. I had already shown the group of them, what would one or two more people matter? Before heading out I grabbed the drawing pad out of my backpack and bundled up into my truck. 

_~~~_

My mouth hung open as I took in the entire sight of the massive _mansion_ sitting in front of me. Of course the Cullens were filthy rich and lived in a mansion, but like, this was insane. I slowly pulled in and turned the truck off, stepping outside and feeling my stomach do a few more flips. 

I had gotten pretty good at ignoring them today though so with a quick breath I walked up to the front door, and was about to knock when it was flung open by a familiar short pixie. 

“Bella! You came!” she squeaked, throwing her arms around me. I smiled at the sudden show of affection, welcoming it with a hug back of my own. She quickly disengaged from me and grabbed my hand, dragging me inside the house. “Everyone! Bella is here!” she called out. 

I was quickly dragged into the main room of the house, faced with a large couch and a few armchairs and a massive TV, which was currently being used for what appeared to be _Halo._ Emmet was sitting on the floor a few feet away from the TV with a controller in his hands, a look of concentration on his face. Sitting on an armchair not too far away from him was Jasper, holding the other controller. 

On the couch sat two people I was unfamiliar with, a man and a woman, but they were just as absolutely gorgeous as the rest of the Cullens. As I entered the room they stood up slowly, straightening themselves out before walking over to me. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Bella, my name is Carlisle,” the man said, his voice very calm and soothing, friendly. “I’m Alice’s father, it’s very lovely to see she’s made a friend.”

The woman was quick to introduce herself as well, a wide smile on her face. “It’s so nice to meet you! I am Esme, have you eaten dinner sweetheart? Can I get you anything, something to eat or drink?” she asked, a small look of concern crossing her face. 

“I-It’s very nice to meet you too Mr. and Mrs. Cullen,” I said, caught off guard by the excess politeness and offered hospitality. “And um, it’s alright Mrs. Cullen I ate before I came here but a glass of water would be nice…?” 

“Oh please, call me Esme,” she said, waving her hand dismissively as she swept off towards the kitchen. 

“And you may call me Carlisle, I insist,” Carlisle said, a warm smile on his face. “I hear from Alice that you’re quite the talented artist.”

“U-uh, I mean, I draw, but I don’t really think I’m that good…” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head as I did my best to avoid eye contact. 

“I’m sure you’re much better than you think you are. I’d love to see some of your work sometime.”

“Bella did you bring the pad?” Alice asked, bouncing in place excitedly. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, it’s in my truck, I forgot it,” I said sheepishly. “I’ll go grab it if you want…?” 

Esme swept back into the room at that point, holding a glass of ice water in her hand. She held it out to me and I took it, taking a quick drink. “Thank you very much, um, Esme,” I said, the first name falling awkwardly off my tongue. 

“If you’d like, do whatever makes you most comfortable,” Carlisle said with that same warm tone. 

“Bella is a totally dope artist! She’s gonna draw me tonight, right Bellarina?” Emmet said from where he was sitting in front of the TV. “Hah! Eat shit Jasper!” he laughed as he scored another kill on his brother in Halo. 

“I’m just gonna…” I muttered, quickly setting the glass of water down on the coffee table and whirling around, heading back out to my truck if only to escape the embarrassment for a few moments. I retrieved my pad, and when I walked back in I could hear terse voices in the main room. 

“So we’re just inviting her into our home now?!” came a harsh, spitting voice that I recognized and winced at the sound of. Rosalie. 

“Rosalie…” came the calm voice of Carlisle. 

“No, why exactly are we doing this? This is so _stupid_ , just because Alice likes her we have to put ourselves at risk?”

_At risk? Someone’s paranoid, I’m not dangerous...she’s probably way more dangerous than I am._

“This isn’t a risk Rose, you know what I saw!” Alice protested. 

“I don’t give a _shit_ what you saw, you’re putting us at risk. And you _know_ how Edward feels about her! Normally I’m the _last_ one to take his side but he’s been complaining about having to sit next to her every day in biology for _weeks_ , it’s a miracle he’s holding out! And you just bring her into the house!”

_What the hell are they talking about? Alice saw something? And what does Edward feel about me? Holding out on what? I have way too many questions._

I coughed out in the hallway to attempt to announce my presence, and all the voices quickly stopped being so loud. I heard a few harsh mutterings that I couldn’t make out, and then…

“Yeah well _fuck_ you Alice! _You_ can explain it to Edward then, and anyone else who happens to find out! I’m having no part in this,” Rosalie thundered loudly, and then I could hear stomping as she presumably went up the stairs. Then I heard the loud _crack_ of a slamming door, and I winced. 

After a few moments of silence I heard Esme’s melodic voice float towards me, tinged with a hint of stress and disappointment. “You can come back in now, Bella.”

I sheepishly walked back into the room, holding my drawing pad loosely in my hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop…”

“No, it’s absolutely not your fault. Rosalie is just…” Esme pursed her lips, obviously unwilling to say too much negative about her daughter. “Rosalie can be...difficult, sometimes. That’s all.” 

“How much of that did you happen to overhear?” Carlisle asked me gently, sitting down slowly onto the couch and indicating for me to sit on one of the armchairs. 

I made my way over to it and hesitantly sat down, noticing that the boys had stopped their round of Halo and were just sitting awkwardly, controllers forgotten as the family kept shooting glances back and forth between them. The tension was heavy in the room, and I felt my throat dry up a little bit. Reaching over to grab the glass of water I had set down, I took a long drink before sighing. 

“I uh...I heard Rosalie say I’m some kind of risk…? And that Alice...saw something, I guess? And something about Edward holding out?” I muttered, not sure how much of a reaming I was in for. I got the feeling I had heard some pretty sensitive stuff, although I had no idea _why_ it was sensitive. “I can just like, go if you want.”

“No, no that won’t be necessary,” Carlisle said reassuringly. Alice nodded in agreement, coming over to sit down on the arm of the chair I was sitting on. She put a hand on my shoulder reassuring me, and I flashed her a grateful smile. 

Carlisle let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He was a very calm man, even this entire incident hadn’t seemed to rattle him too much. Esme was sitting next to him, her arm looped in with his as they sat close. 

Jasper stood up and walked over to stand on the other side of Alice, who leaned her head into his chest. He stroked her hair slowly and murmured something I couldn’t catch to her, and she let out a slow breath.

“There are things about our family that are...unique,” Carlisle said slowly, choosing his words very carefully. “And if people outside of our family discover them, there could be...complications.”

I stiffened up a little bit, causing Alice to give my shoulder a little reassuring squeeze, but it didn’t help the ball of anxiety twisting around in my stomach. “Complications?”

Carlisle nodded. 

“Are you guys like, a mob family or something? Am I gonna get a squad of hit men unleashed on me or something, or am I gonna wake up with a horse head in my sheets?” I asked bluntly. If I was gonna die, being killed by a group of mobsters seemed like a pretty cool way to go. 

For some reason they all burst out laughing at that, and I felt the tension in the room decrease significantly. Emmet was doubled over in his laughter, and even Jasper was snickering a little. Carlisle was the most composed but even he was chuckling. 

“No, no, nothing like that,” he said after the laughter died down. “We are not criminals.”

My brow furrowed and I started to think. “That’s exactly what a criminal would say,” I pointed out, but I wasn’t really thinking about that anymore. My mind was whirring. 

“Fair point,” Carlisle said with a smile as Alice and Emmet fell into another bout of giggles. “Unfortunately I can’t reveal things to you myself, but...if you happened to figure it out yourself, that would make the situation different…” he said, trailing off at the end of his sentence. 

That just made me even more confused. Alice was nodding slowly, and I felt like I was being dragged into something way bigger than I had any idea of. 

“Are you guys a cult? Was there something in that water?” I asked, a bubble of fear starting to come up in my chest. 

“Oh dear no no, you’re safe with us I promise!” Esme said, concern etched in her face and voice. “Nothing like that! We would never harm you.”

“This is...weird,” I muttered, pulling my knees up closer to my body. 

Carlisle just smiled at that, and Alice squeezed my shoulder again reassuringly. As weird as it was, I had to admit I didn’t really think they were going to hurt me. If they were they probably would have done it by now, and wouldn’t be waiting for me to put the pieces together of some unexplained puzzle. 

“You are all exceedingly strange,” I started, “but I guess I believe you that you aren’t going to hurt me. Why am I a risk though?”

“That’s...a difficult question to answer properly without the right information,” Carlisle spoke hesitantly. 

“You aren’t a risk,” Alice stated flatly. “Rosalie is just paranoid.”

Jasper murmured something to Alice and she looked at him with a grumpy expression and muttered something back. They continued that silent conversation too quietly for me to hear, somehow, until Alice hissed a bit louder than intended probably.

_“I just know, okay! I’m not wrong this time.”_

I frowned and put my fingers to my temples, rubbing them gently as I tried to figure out what the actual hell was going on. I felt an odd sense of calm washing over me the whole time, which was odd. Normally my anxiety would be blaring full-blast by now. 

“Where’s Edward anyway?” I asked, suddenly curious. There was one Cullen that hadn’t made an appearance yet tonight. 

“He’s...out,” Jasper said. It was the first time he had spoken clearly tonight, and I looked at him in surprise. 

“Out? Avoiding me, I suppose?” I asked ruefully. “Why does he hate me?”

“He doesn’t... _hate_ you,” Alice said. “He just...has a hard time being around you.”

“Why?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. There was something really huge just sitting right in front of my face, I could tell, and I had no clue what it was. “Why does he look at me like he’s afraid I’m going to attack him every time we sit together in biology? What is he holding out on, and why is it a miracle?”

“It isn’t you he’s afraid of,” Jasper said, stroking Alice’s hair absentmindedly. “It’s himself.”

“Jasper…” Carlisle murmured. 

Himself. 

My mind was still whirring but now it was far more focused as I tried to replay all the memories I had of the Cullens over the past month or so. They were too eye-catching to ignore entirely, and whenever I was sitting with Angela I would always observe them more than most. 

Edward always putting as much physical space as possible between me and him during class, and leaving as soon as possible. Shooting those odd glances at me every few minutes. Then I realized there were several days I hadn’t seen Edward, and no explanation was given to me at the time. In fact, I hadn’t seen _any_ of the Cullens at lunch on those days either. 

That was weird. 

What was it about those days that were special? What was different? The frown on my face grew more and more pronounced as my mind delved deeper and deeper into the issue. There was _something there_ I just had to see it. 

Then a memory burst into my mind, but not about the Cullens. About Renee, on a day where she hadn’t seen me in a week as I stayed holed up in my room the whole time, only coming out in the dead of night to eat some food. 

_“I barely see you during the day anymore, you’re like a vampire Bella I swear. What’s going on with you?”_

_Barely see you during the day._

Every day the Cullens were gone, it was extremely bright and sunny out, the few days where Forks wasn’t covered in a fog of gloom and grey. 

_“I can’t imagine it, being out in the sunlight like that all the time”_

Alice speaking to her yesterday at lunch. The coldness of her touch. 

_“Bad circulation, I have cold hands all the time”_

Cold hands. My focus quickly went to the hand that was still on my shoulder, and even through my sweatshirt I could feel the hint of coolness from it now that I was specifically looking for it. 

_“You’re like a vampire Bella I swear.”_

Edward wasn’t afraid of her, he was looking at her with fear in his eyes but he wasn’t afraid of _her_ he was afraid of _himself_. He was afraid of what? He was holding out on something, it was a miracle he had done so so far. He was exhibiting self-control over something. 

He was afraid he would lose control?

Control of what? What happens if he loses control? 

Understanding clicked in my mind as my mouth formed a small ‘o’ shape, and Carlisle was looking at me with a knowing smile on his face. He still looked as calm as ever though, and I quickly felt something rising up in my stomach as a few more details fell into my mind. 

Eyes.

Rosalie’s eyes. Those impossibly beautiful honey-gold eyes that seemed to pierce straight through me. I quickly looked around and noticed that, although there were subtle differences between them all, each of the Cullens in the room with me had the same general honey-colored eyes. Some darker, some brighter, some with flecks of copper and some nearly monochrome but all the same general honey. 

They were all the same. But the kids were adopted right? Adopted. 

It all fell into place at once and my mouth seemed to move faster than my brain as a single word fell out of my mouth like a ton of bricks, even though I was whispering it I was shocked it didn’t just create a crater in the floor beneath me.

“Vampires.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! I hope this chapter didn't seem too rushed, I really didn't want to drag out the part of the story where Bella is in the dark about the Cullens, its boring to me. The pacing of it feels alright to me though, and seeing as it has been over a month for Bella, it makes sense in my eyes. Next chapter is Rosalie PoV though! Look forward to that! She is highly enjoyable to write.


	4. Agitate

_agitate - verb_ _  
_ _agitated; agitating_   
transitive verb

_1 - to move or force into violent, irregular action_

_2 - to shake or move briskly_

_3 - to disturb or excite emotionally; arouse; perturb_

_~~~_

**_~Rosalie~_ **

Out of all of my siblings, I don’t think anyone would really be surprised to find out that Emmet is my favorite. But what I think they might be surprised to find out is that Alice is my second favorite. While she definitely had a bad habit of getting too much into my business occasionally, she usually respected my personal space if I really wasn’t in the mood and was enjoyable to be around, and I didn’t constantly feel like my privacy was being violated around her unlike with a few certain other siblings. 

Most of the time she was my second favorite, anyway.

Sometimes, Alice could be absolutely _insufferable_. 

And right now was one of those times. I was really starting to get tired of the irritating little pixie because, adorable as she might be, a sister does have her limits. I was simply sitting peacefully on the couch trying to get some reading done, and about twenty minutes ago she had arrived and draped herself across an armchair across from me, constantly attempting to subtly get my attention, waggling her eyebrows at me every time she would catch my eye. 

“ _What_ do you _want_?” I hissed at her after the tenth waggle, beginning to reach the end of my patience. 

“Oh nothing dear sister, I was merely wondering if you had any further thoughts on that vision I had a week ago that I told you about,” Alice said, a note of a teasing purr entering her voice as she leaned forwards, resting her chin in her hands and batting her eyelashes. I rolled my eyes at her, and she giggled in response. 

A week ago the little twerp unfortunately designated as my sister had a vision, as she does, but this one had involved me, and she had been absolutely unable to shut up about it. I refused to entertain her about it, since the contents of said vision were, frankly, ridiculous. 

“You’ve been wrong before you know,” I grumbled, trying to return to my book. I was reading a more recent title, well, recent by my standards. It was titled _The Guns of Avalon_ and I was thoroughly engrossed in it. The prior book in the series, _Nine Princes in Amber_ had been an intriguing read, intriguing enough for me to pick up the second title, and I was only getting more interested as I went along. 

Of course, I could have read the entire set of books in mere hours if I wanted to, but where was the fun in that? I learned a long time ago that when you have eternity to live, it was better to drag things like this out on purpose, in order to savor them as long as you can. Just because I had the ability to read a hundred thousand words in five minutes doesn’t mean it’d be a better or more enjoyable experience. 

This experience however would have been a lot better if my brat of a sister would _leave me alone to my business_ but that was apparently a pipe dream of the highest caliber. 

“Very rarely!” she huffed, crossing her arms in mock offense. I just rolled my eyes at her again, and she started pouting. “And I really don’t think I’m wrong about this one. I saw you with your _mate_ Rosie!” 

I snorted and shook my head. 

“That’s not a real thing,” I muttered, pushing a hand through my hair to get it out of my face. For as long as I had been a vampire I had been hearing on and on and on and on from Carlisle about ‘mates’, the one person a vampire is destined to spend their life with once they find them. There was supposedly some unnatural pull between the two beings, so strong that once two mates found each other, nothing could prevent their lives colliding and intertwining. 

Allegedly Carlisle and Esme, my adoptive father and mother, were mated. And additionally, Alice was supposedly mated with my brother Jasper, who was mysteriously absent at the moment. Unfortunate, as he was usually the one to save me from Alice’s irritating habit of talking so much. 

“Plus, all your vision _saw_ was apparently me kissing some woman. Who’s to say that I wasn’t just exploring my sexuality with some nobody that I ditch the next day? Hmm?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. “Plus, not a lot of nomads pass through these parts, and the closest clan to us is the Denali’s. Not exactly a lot of opportunity to meet a new mate here.”

“Is too a real thing! I’m actually mated Rosalie, and I can assure you, it’s definitely a real thing. And the kiss in my vision was definitely _not_ the kind of kiss you have when you’re just ‘exploring’, it was...different, the situation was different, the _feelings_ were different, I could tell. Also, I thought you already knew your sexuality?” Alice asked, sticking her tongue out at me. 

I just shrugged. 

“Maybe I want to double check. Also you haven’t answered exactly how I’m supposed to meet this new mate.”

“Well…” Alice said, slowing down a little and pursing her lips. “Nomads do pass through here sometimes! I think. I mean, they have before, haven’t they?”

“They usually stay closer to Seattle,” I muttered. “I think the last time we actually saw a nomad come through Forks was a couple decades ago.”

“Still that doesn’t make it any less real.”

“You _think_ it’s a real thing because you love Jasper, it doesn’t mean your souls or whatever we have now are ‘irrevocably tied by fate’ or whatever the hell Carlisle is always on about,” I said pointedly. This was a discussion I had many times with the mated members of my family, and it often went the same way each time. It was almost muscle memory at this point.

“But I can _feel_ him when he isn’t around Rosalie. I can feel this tug, this pull, even after so long. Especially when we first met, we could hardly stand to be apart for even a day! Being without him was miserable! It still doesn’t feel _great_ ,” Alice said, standing up and marching over to me with a furrowed brow and a frown, trying to look as intimidating as her sub-five-foot stature would allow. 

“Sweetie I’m almost a foot taller than you,” I said, making sure she could hear the condescension in my voice as the corners of my mouth turned up slightly. “You’re not nearly as scary as you think. And also, what you’re describing is just the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship, humans do it too. They get clingy and emotional. It’s probably just a lot stronger because you’re vampires.”

She stomped her foot in frustration and marched off, most likely to complain to Esme about my teasing. I sighed and sank further down into the couch, setting my book off to the side and rubbing my temples. As the two ‘mated’ women in my family they were the ones constantly getting on my case about the idea, telling me that eventually I would understand and meet my ‘special someone’. 

It’s not that I hated the idea of a relationship, far from it. I hadn’t even always hated the idea of a mate, I even once thought Emmet could have been that for me. But we weren’t ‘fated’ to be together and I certainly didn’t feel some otherworldly pull to always be with him. Oh sure, we dated a little, we had our fun sometimes, but ‘mated’? 

The entire idea was just preposterous, and as I lived longer, the sillier the idea became to me. I could buy the idea that some vampires mate for life, but this entire story about it being ‘fated by destiny’ with some magical or supernatural component to it was where I drew the line. 

Grumbling and rolling my eyes, I rolled off the couch and stood up, picking up my book and tucking it underneath my arm. I wanted to return to reading it in peace, and I considered just going off to my room to do so, but I had a feeling Alice would end up marching in there at some point anyway to bother me and I didn’t want to make her test the boundary of “Nobody Goes Inside Rosalie’s Room Without Permission Unless They Want To Die” at the moment, because she absolutely would and I wasn’t feeling up to getting into a scrap today. 

Unfortunately as I was about to head off towards the garden and maybe find some peace and quiet there, I was interrupted by one of my brothers bursting in the front door, panting heavily and looking ragged. And to make matters worse, it was my least favorite brother. 

“What happened to you?” I asked, my eyes flicking up and down as I took in the sight of my brother’s disheveled state. “You look like a drowned rat. Esme will kill you if you track on her carpets you know.”

Edward, the brother in question, was absolutely soaked from head to toe. Which was odd, because it wasn’t raining outside. His lower half was splattered with mud, particularly his shoes, and even his hair was sopping wet. He had a half-wild look on his face, and his fangs were out as he panted. 

“Shut up,” he growled at me with a lot more venom than I was expecting. Me and Edward didn’t get along on the best of days, but we weren’t often actively _hostile_ to each other, so I was a little surprised at that. 

“Eat shit,” I hissed back at him, knowing my swearing would irritate him further. 

“Where is Carlisle?” he said, shooting me a cutting glare as I swore. So predictable. He was such a prude. 

“In his study, why? Got something to go complain to Daddy about? Is our life just a smidgen less than absolutely perfect today?” I spat at him, turning on my heel and making my way towards the garden. Being around Edward was already difficult enough on a day-to-day basis with him worming around in my mind constantly, I didn’t need the additional bother of him being in a pissy mood. Especially after Alice had already tested the limits of my sisterly patience earlier. 

Edward marched in the direction of Carlisle’s office, tracking mud and water across the floor as he walked, then paused before either of us left the room and muttered something under his breath. I was still able to pick it up, and I froze in the doorway as I was about to step outside. 

“I almost killed someone earlier.”

A slight worm of guilt worked its way through my stomach, but I quashed it quickly. He was the one who jumped down my throat first, I wasn’t about to apologize for not laying down and taking his shit. But I did decide to at least turn around and ask him if he was okay. 

“What happened?” Close enough. 

“She just...smelled so good…” he groaned, holding his head in his hands, his eyes squeezed shut. “She was in a car with someone, I think it must have been her father...I could barely even smell him. It was like she was...calling to me, I felt so drawn to her, like I _had_ to have her…” 

“And you almost lost it over that?” I snarked, trying to lighten up the mood a little. What Edward was saying wasn’t exactly unprecedented, we occasionally came across humans that smelled better than normal, but none of us had ever really come close to losing control over it. 

“You didn’t smell her, you didn’t...you have no idea…” Edward hissed as he shot me another glare. “And...I couldn’t read her, either.”

That got my attention. I blinked in surprise and nearly dropped my book, quickly regaining my composure. 

“Like, at all? Maybe you were just too caught up in the moment?” I asked, slightly stunned, and slightly jealous. 

“I could read her father perfectly fine,” he said. “It was just her. She was just...blank. Like a television channel with nothing but static.”

“Maybe you’re slipping,” I snickered.

Edward just growled at me for that and quickly stomped off towards Carlisle’s office. I shrugged and headed out to the garden. Whatever was wrong with my idiot brother, Carlisle would handle it. Couldn’t let his golden boy struggle with anything after all, oh no. Perish the thought. 

_~~~_

“Do you think vampires can commit suicide?” I groaned under my breath at Emmet as we walked together towards the cafeteria. 

“Uh…” he said, his brow furrowing as he thought about the question. He was taking this _way_ more seriously than I intended him to, and I think the fact that I was joking flew right over his head, but it was cute. “Maybe? Probably. Maybe we can starve ourselves?”

I rolled my eyes and kept walking, feeling exhausted. Two weeks. It had only been two weeks into starting the second year at Forks High and I was already done with the whole thing. The school facade was my least favorite part of bouncing around from place to place over the decades, I could get some enjoyment out of college at least where I could study things that were always changing and evolving, I could actually learn something _new_ and _significant_ but highschool was just so….tedious. 

Tedious and filled to the absolute brim with idiotic, hormonal _boys_ that continued to be the bane of my existence, constantly approaching me with puffed up chests and inflated egos, treating me like I was some kind of prize to be won.

Thankfully I had mostly gotten rid of that particular problem the prior year when we first arrived in Forks, but there were always going to be the ones who forgot, were too stupid to get the hint, or didn’t get a chance to learn the lesson that so many others had to be taught. 

I was even jealous of Edward, when he told me he didn’t have a partner yet in the Biology class he was in. Apparently there’s some transfer student that wasn’t able to start immediately, causing the class to have an odd number of students until they showed up. 

Any sort of forced interaction with humans was so...distasteful. Annoying. I would rather spend an entire twenty-four hours in constant conversation with Edward rather than spend ten minutes interacting with a human, and all the classes where I was forced to have some sort of partner were the ones that inevitably kept testing my patience over and over again. 

“Are you sure I can’t just ditch and go read somewhere for an hour?” I groaned as we approached the cafeteria, really not wanting to be in that room right now. 

“Rosalie! Are you saying you don’t want to spend quality time with your dear family?” Alice gasped and put her hands on her cheeks, a very exaggerated look of pain crossing her face. She was always one for melodrama. I stuck my tongue out at her and she returned the favor, continuing to skip through the hallway like the oddball she was. 

I continued my grumbling as we pushed in through the doors. We were some of the last to arrive, which was normal. And also like normal, our arrival in the cafeteria caused a brief hush to fall over the occupants as they stopped their inane conversations to stare at us for a few moments, doing their whispering and pointing, before quickly resuming their regular schedule of boring inanity. 

I was glad we had already claimed a table and wouldn’t have to shoo people away from one today. I just wanted to go home and I was not in the mood for confrontation today. 

As we went down the line, I could feel something shifting in my stomach and chest, this odd, tumbling feeling, like I had just gotten off of a rollercoaster with at least two dozen loops. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes a little, trying to discard the feeling. It was this odd little pull, like I should turn my head somewhere. I frowned, wondering what on earth was wrong with me. 

Jasper was looking vaguely uncomfortable as well, and not in his normal way of having a hard time surrounded by so many humans. He was the newest to our diet, and the one with the least control out of all of us, and I always felt a little pang of pity for him every time he had to be put into one of these situations, surrounded by so many people in close proximity. Especially humans that were so damn _hormonal_. 

But this was different, and he shot a look back at me that let me know I was the source of his discomfort and confusion, he was getting it from my own. I furrowed my brow and shrugged lightly at him, indicating that I had no idea what was happening either. But I was also growing even more concerned, because if Jasper could pick up on it and was getting affected by it enough to check on me, it definitely wasn’t a _small_ feeling. 

I wasn’t fond of it. 

I could hear someone talking about us, from the far end of the cafeteria. This wasn’t uncommon, people talked about us constantly, but this was different. Someone was...describing us, to someone who hadn’t seen us before. I listened intently, and quickly picked up a second voice in the conversation. 

“Who’s the emo one who looks like he’s tripping out?”

The voice peeled through the air and filled my ears like a small assortment of windchimes, and I felt a phantom breeze blowing across my neck not unlike a cool autumn breeze. The hairs on my neck stood up and I felt myself exhale involuntarily, and I sucked in a small breath. Jasper looked at me again, with even more confusion coloring his gaze. I could see Alice staring at me too, with a massive shit-eating grin on her face. 

I shot her a glare and she stuck her tongue out at me again before turning back to the line, pretending to be invested in picking out her ‘lunch’. I knew what she was trying to indicate to me, and I really didn’t need that right now. Especially in the presence of Edward. 

She had assured me that nobody except Jasper and Esme knew about her vision, and I was grateful for that at least. The two of them were the least likely to tease me about it, although Alice did more than enough teasing for the three of them. But the last person I needed to know about it was Edward. 

_That is a pretty funny way to describe him though,_ I thought to myself, knowing that he was the one the voice was asking about. Then I paused. When the hell did I find humans _funny_? Was I okay? Did I catch some kind of hitherto-unknown vampire sickness? Should I go home and see Carlisle?

Edward was behind me, so while I couldn’t see his reaction on his face, I could hear him huff in amusement, most likely out of reading my thoughts, and partially out of annoyance from the way he was just described by the human. 

_Get out of my head you fucking creep or I’ll tear off your third leg and feed it to one of the La Push wolves. I’m sure they’d get a kick out of it._

I could definitely feel the wince behind me and I let a self-satisfied grin come onto my face for a brief moment before The Voice shone through the cafeteria again, assaulting my ears. 

“And Atomic Blonde?”

Who was that supposed to be? The girl the owner of The Voice is talking to already spoke about Jasper. And I was the only other blonde one. 

I froze again when I realized that it _was_ in fact supposed to be me, and I felt a strange apprehension for the briefest of moments. No, I didn’t _care_ what this stupid human thought about me. Not at all. Not in the slightest. The opinions of humans mattered about as much to me as the opinions of the worms that Esme put in her garden. 

And then the girl started describing me, and spoke about the time last spring that I made some idiot boy wet himself just using my words. As I recalled the memory I allowed a brief sense of pride to come over myself, a sense of pride that had _absolutely nothing to do_ with the impressed whistle that I somehow knew came from the owner of The Voice. 

As our group turned and started heading towards our table, I noticed that the owner of The Voice was _sitting there. At our table._ I felt my mind racing as we started our approach. What was going on? Why was I feeling like this? She’s just a stupid human. She should get away from our table. Obviously I’m just feeling angry and pissed off that she’s even sitting there in the first place. 

Obviously.

So when she looked up and caught my eye, I quickly shot her my best seething glare. She quickly jumped up and slid over to a different table, sitting next to the person she was just talking to a few moments ago. I tried my best to avert my eyes as she walked past us, but I couldn’t help myself from sniffing the air just a little as she walked by. 

_Dear_ **_lord_ ** _…_

An absolutely lovely scent began to curl in my nostrils before I realized what I was doing and quickly jammed my mind into a different setting, forcing myself to think about cars, or books, or anything besides the lovely blend of cinnamon and witch hazel that had just been threatening to invade my senses, with just a hint of tart raspberry…

_No. No. Stop. Books. Think about books. What book did I bring today, what am I reading today? The Guns of Avalon, yes, that’s right, that’s what I brought. I should continue reading that. It’s a wonderfully complex and fascinating book, I do so enjoy the setting and the concept of it all. And the main character, Corwin, is very intriguing. I can tell there has to be some kind of unreliable narrator trope happening, and the author has done a wonderful job using Corwin’s voice to describe the goings-on of the novel from his point of view._

I found myself sitting down with my family, and I couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to eat. I forced myself to just look at my book and read it, reading every page over twice. I would not think about the stupid girl with the stupid voice and the stupid smell, even if it was amazing. Which it wasn’t. She wasn’t. I would not. I would just read. I liked reading, it was so wonderful to be whisked away from reality and into any number of other places with endless possibility. 

Eventually though the lunch period came to a close and everyone scrambled to their feet in a rush of noise and clatter. I took my time with it, allowing myself to get to the end of the page I was reading before noting down the page number and leisurely closing the book, tucking it carefully into my bag before slowly standing up. 

As I cast a lazy glance across the cafeteria I was suddenly met with a pair of eyes staring at me from the exit doorway. A pair of the most beautiful, gorgeous, soulful chocolate-brown eyes I had ever seen in my life. Brown was normally such a boring color, but these eyes were so deep and complex that I felt myself locked into their gaze. I felt my entire body freeze up as my world, my universe, narrowed down to one solitary point as I felt as if my very soul, or what was left of it at least, was being bared to its essence by that pair of deep, enticing brown eyes. 

I could almost remember the taste of chocolate hovering so tantalizingly close to my mouth as I stared into them. I had loved chocolate as a human, it was one of my favorites, but now I could no longer even remember the taste. I was so close, if I could just stare into these eyes, these wonderful eyes, for just a few moments more, surely I would remember…

Then, as soon as the moment began, it ended, with Alice jumping up and getting in my face to get my attention. 

“Rosalie? Hello? Earth to Rose?” she said with a giggle, waving her hand in front of my face. When she blocked off those eyes, I was able to tear my gaze away and glare down at her, grabbing her wrist. 

I shoved everything I was just feeling into the corner of my mind, ignoring it. Sealing it off and away. I could feel Jasper’s eyes on me, although this time with far less confusion and more of a bemused and knowing look on his face. I hissed at him and he held his hands up in a placating gesture. 

Edward, thank the lord, had taken my earlier warning to heart, at least for now, and was just staring at Alice with irritation. Emmet, of course, was completely distracted by something else and didn’t seem to notice my moment of strange behavior. 

“You okay there?” Alice said, using her other hand to poke my forehead. I grabbed that wrist too and growled at her under my breath, spinning her around and shoving her into Jasper. Then I stole a quick glance towards the cafeteria exit. 

The owner of the eyes was gone. 

“Shut up,” I grumbled at Alice, storming past her and Jasper and making to head towards my next class. I could hear her laughing behind me, and she called to me as I was leaving.

“I toooooold you sooooo!” 

As I slowly got out of earshot of the group of imbeciles that were my siblings, I could hear Edward and Emmet asking her what she meant, which thankfully she refused to answer. Not that it mattered. She was wrong anyway. She was absolutely, most definitely wrong. 

Even if mates _were_ real, even if mates weren’t a complete lunacy to think of, I certainly would not be mated to a _human_ . Not in a million years. I would rather starve myself. Or eat Edward. Or _sleep_ with Edward, before I allowed myself to be mated with a human. 

Never.

_~~~_

Later that night, it was quiet, which was a rare occurrence, especially for someone with extremely heightened hearing. The Cullen household was almost never a bastion of silence, and I relished the precious few times it would happen. I would read, or sit out on the balcony and just observe the nature of the world, the trees, the night sky. If it was a clear night I could stargaze, piece together the constellations I could see. 

Maybe even invent a few of my own for entertainment. 

But sadly, Forks was a place with many clouds and few stars most nights unfortunately, so tonight I was inside my room, laying on my bed and attempting to relax. I was near the end of _The Guns of Avalon_ now, and I was eager to finish it, but I couldn’t.

I kept getting distracted by utter foolishness, foolishness coming from my own mind of all places. 

Eventually I knew that even with my level of self-control I was going to have to do something about this. I discarded my book onto my bed and rushed to my balcony, leaping off of it and rushing off into the forest. I needed to hunt. 

I needed to clear my mind, and be alone. 

After a bit I could hear rustling in the underbrush, and I could smell the presence of prey. It was an elk. I slowly approached it, creeping up on it and making sure it couldn’t hear me coming. It didn’t take long to track and fell, and soon I had drunk my fill. My needs satiated, I made my way to the nearest creek to wash off my face. 

As I splashed cold water on my face, my mind began to wander. Whether it was because I was coming down from the high of a fresh hunt, or because I was finally alone and felt myself relaxing, I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t able to stop it from doing so. 

I thought about the events of the day, of the past few weeks. About Alice’s incessant teasing. Edward had complained in the car on the way back, saying that his new Biology partner was the girl he had recently almost attacked, and that she was ‘intensely magnetizing’ to him. He found it hard to resist her, saying over and over again how good she smelled. 

Alice had just kept shooting funny looks at me the entire time he was complaining, and I wondered what her deal was. 

Against my own will, as I thought about Edward’s complaints, my mind recalled the scent that I had experienced earlier for just a few brief, blissful moments. The smallest hints of cinnamon and witch hazel floated around my nose for a moment as the memory filled my mind, and then it was gone. 

Then I felt frustration begin to boil up in my stomach, bubbling over as I let out a roar of rage and irritation, turning around and sinking my fist into the trunk of a tree. The wood shattered instantly with a thunderous _crack_ and with a load groan, the tree tipped over and crashed onto the ground. I stood there, suddenly breathing heavily as my head pounded, as if some unknown force were slamming into my skull over and over again with invisible hammers. 

_I will not allow this. Just because she smells good does not mean anything. I’m just letting Alice’s teasing get to me, that’s all. She’s just got to be a singer of mine, unfortunate that both me and Edward are going to have to be dealing with one while we’re here,_ I thought to myself as I closed my eyes, breathing deep and calming myself. I didn’t need to breathe, of course, but the action was...reassuring. 

A singer was something well-known amongst vampires, a human who’s blood calls out to you, taunting you and enticing you to feast upon them right there where they stand, regardless of whether or not you want to in that moment. 

Aptly named, I always thought. I enjoyed the legends and tales of the sirens, leading gullible men to their dooms. But unfortunately the singers didn’t have the murderous skill of their namesake, and would most often just be prey of the vampires they unwittingly called to. 

_If she is a singer of mine, I must be careful. I cannot allow myself to slip. That is all she is. She is a singer. That is why she smells so enticing._

This answer, unfortunately, did not provide an adequate explanation as to why I had found myself so drawn into her eyes when I found them earlier. That was something I had never experienced before, and I was determined to never experience it again. It was a freak, one time incident. I must have been affected by the scent of my singer, and by Alice’s incessant teasing, that my mind had become briefly addled. 

That’s all it was. 

That’s all it could ever be. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor Rosalie. She has absolutely no idea what she's in for or what she's going to do to herself (and Bella) with her stubbornness. But that's for her to learn! We'll have to see how long it takes her to do so. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this entry! Sorry it's a little late, although it's just BARELY still technically Tuesday for me. Writing from the PoV of Rosalie was a lot of fun. It's going to stay her PoV until she's caught up with where Chapter 3 ended off, and then that's probably going to be it for me rewinding to show events from two different PoVs. I'm still going to swap PoV sometimes, but it'll all stay in the same continuity after this.
> 
> ALSO HOLY SHIT ALREADY 100+ KUDOS AND 1000+ HITS??? JFC Y'ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH WHAT THE HECK


	5. Crack

_ crack - verb (used without object) _

_ 1 - to break without complete separation of parts; become fissured _

_ 2 - to break with a sudden, sharp sound _

_ ~~~ _

“This must be what hell is like, I must be in hell,” Edward groaned as he slumped in the backseat of the car, his hands covering his face as he sat squeezed between Jasper and Emmet. I was driving, of course, and Alice was by my side in the passenger seat peering back at our distressed brother. “I’m actually in hell. My damned soul has finally found its way to hell and I’m being punished for my sins.”

I sighed as Edward began complaining as we drove home from school, again, as he had done every single day since that...that _girl_ showed up and threw my world into a tailspin. It would seem that I wasn’t the only one, unfortunately. 

“Come on Edward, it can’t be _that_ bad…” Alice said, concern etched onto her face as she reached back and patted Edward’s knee. 

“Two and a half weeks! I’ve had to sit next to her for the better part of two and a half weeks. Those few times we were able to get away because it was too sunny weren’t nearly enough of a break, and Carlisle won’t let me skip more than I have to in order to keep up appearances. And the school office won’t let me switch classes or partners!”

Edward slumped down further in his seat, groaning even louder. He looked like he was about to merge with the upholstery, or melt into something extremely depressing.

“Yeah, and you’ve complained about it every single day…” I muttered, my hands tightening a little on the wheel as his constant complaints about the singer girl came to mind. Every single day he would talk about that _girl_ , complaining until no one would listen anymore. Not that I _cared_ of course. Ever since I lost myself the first day I saw her, I had been putting my self control to good use. 

I was very careful to not look in her eyes when I passed her in the halls or noticed her presence at lunch, and I kept my distance from her and made sure to not breathe too much when she was nearby, to avoid that intoxicating scent. 

Thankfully I only really saw her at lunchtime in the cafeteria, and it was relatively easy enough to just read the whole time and ignore her. 

It didn’t help though that I could constantly feel her watching me, us. She barely interacted with the other teenagers she sat with at lunch, she would just stare off into the distance and daydream, or fidget in her seat. Sometimes she would have a book of her own, and I would have to resist the urge to peek at what she was reading, because no I was not interested. Of course I wasn’t interested. 

But sometimes she would just _stare_ at us. She probably thought she was being subtle about it, but I noticed.

I always noticed.

“You don’t know what it’s like!” Edward hissed. “I’ve never smelled anyone like her before, she’s absolutely...divine. Heavenly. Keeping myself from her is nearly impossible, and I have to do it five days a week.”

At least I didn’t complain constantly.

Technically I could empathize with Edward, but something nagged in the back of my mind that me and him most likely had very different definitions of what we were “keeping ourselves” away from. I shut up that nagging voice quickly though. I just wanted to eat her, she was a singer.

Just like she was for Edward.

“What do you think is going on?” Emmet asked, rubbing the top of his head. He had a slightly puzzled look on his face, and I remembered that he was the youngest of the family, and had yet to encounter a human whose blood sang to him. I grimaced as I imagined what we might have to do when that day arrived to keep him safe. 

“She’s probably just a singer...a potent one, though,” Jasper murmured softly, looking extremely uncomfortable with the emotions bouncing around the car. Most likely coming primarily from Edward. 

“I feel like someone has told me what that was before, but it was probably boring and I forgot,” Emmet said with a frown. 

“A singer is a human who particularly...calls to you, smells particularly good to you. It’s hard to explain. They basically just smell _extremely_ good, but specifically to you, and you really want to eat them. Moreso than other humans,” Alice said, turning to Emmet as she gave Edward’s knee a reassuring squeeze before pulling her arm back. 

“She’s different though, I can feel it…” Edward mumbled under his breath, letting his hands fall as he peered out the window. “I’ve never felt a pull like this before, even from a singer.”

“Like I said…” Jasper said softly. “A particularly potent one.”

“Maybe you’re mated? I remember Carlisle saying something along the lines of this sort of thing when he talked about how mates work, how there’s some sort of spooky spiritual connection thingy,” Emmet said, his brow furrowing further. “Can that happen? Can a vampire be mated to a human?”

I bristled and lightly bared my teeth at the mention of the subject, memories of my discussion with Alice and her alleged vision playing in my mind. When Edward perked up slightly at the topic, I gripped the steering wheel even harder and I had to resist the urge to break it entirely. Edward tilted his head to the side lightly and hummed thoughtfully, and I growled out in response. 

“Stupid fairytale nonsense.”

“It isn’t a fairytale Rose!” Alice huffed, slapping my arm lightly and pouting at me. I glared at her but she wasn’t even looking at me anymore, instead her gaze was towards the backseat as she bit her lower lip slightly, looking conflicted. “I...I’m not sure, Emmet, I guess it could be possible...but….” she trailed off lightly, shooting me an awkward look.

I just glared at her again and she grimaced, shrugging a little with another look that almost looked...apologetic? I just grumbled and faced the road, determined to forget all this nonsense. 

“Mated…” Edward murmured.

He didn’t speak the rest of the day.

_ ~~~ _

A few days passed and I found myself sitting peacefully at our regular lunch table, listening to the chatter of my siblings with a bemused look on my face. For once, the  _ girl _ , the singer-demon, hadn’t been here when we showed up, and I was beginning to hope she’d skip today entirely. I had caught fresh notes of her scent in the halls earlier, so she was definitely here at the school but…

Maybe she went home early. I certainly hoped so. Getting breaks from having to deal with her was nice.

“I don’t think that’s how that works Emmet,” Alice was saying with a grin on her face. “Most of those documentaries are _really_ exaggerated and full of information that just barely counts as a fact, and a lot of it is twisted or just pure speculation.”

“ But it was on the  _ History Channel _ ,” Emmet insisted. “That means they have to be telling the truth right? Like, why would they call it that if they weren’t teaching you real history?”

For the past fifteen or so minutes, the pair of them had been arguing over whether or not aliens built the pyramids in Egypt, with Emmet’s only arguments coming from some asinine “documentary” filled with terrible CGI that he watched last night. I had sat down to watch it with him, if only for the spectacle of pure incompetence rather than any real entertainment value or truth.

“ It’s meant to be entertainment Em, they’ll twist whatever narrative they can to make something they think people will tune into, regardless of how true it is. They just care about people watching, not about whether or not the content itself is truly accurate,” Alice said, shaking her head a little. I could tell she was suppressing giggles.

“But...they sounded so convincing! And they acted like they were talking about like, real stuff!” Emmet protested weakly, his argument quickly falling apart.

“ That’s their  _ job _ , Emmet,” Alice said, covering her hand with her mouth to conceal the giggles she could no longer fully keep down. Jasper was rolling his eyes, and I huffed in amusement at my brother’s persistence. Emmet was very sweet, and was genuinely a lot smarter than he could seem at first blush, but  _ sometimes _ …

My train of thought was immediately interrupted by the clatter of another tray being placed, or rather nearly dropped, onto our table right next to Edward’s. Before I could even look over at whoever apparently had either a death wish or a severe deficiency in grey matter, a familiar and wholly unwelcome scent washed over me and I had to suppress a groan. 

As cinnamon and witch hazel began to dominate my thoughts, that _voice_ pierced through the haze the scent had created around my thoughts as she spoke up, looking directly at my brother who had a look of shock and barely-concealed pain on his face as he struggled with having her right next to him. 

Alice was just beaming at her, because of course she was, and my other brothers were being equally useless, just looking at the newcomer with dumbfounded looks of confusion all over their faces. 

“Hey Edward,” she said somewhat sheepishly. I nearly growled at her at the mention of my brother’s name, out of...some measure of protectiveness, I suppose. Sure it would take an extremely good day for me to admit that I came anywhere close to _liking_ Edward, but that didn’t mean I wanted the stuck-up bastard to have an incident right here in the cafeteria. Or in general. Vegetarian Edward was irritating enough, thank you very much. 

She had the stupidest, dopey looking grin on her face that absolutely did nothing to make me want to look at it, and I could hear her heart racing. She was obviously nervous. Without even thinking about it, before any of my siblings could speak up I opened my mouth and growled at the girl. 

“Are you sure you have the right table?” I said, doing my best to not actually hiss the words and instead just lacing them with as much bitterness and irritation as I could. Seeing the girl wince at my words caused a small swell of pride to rise in my stomach at my skill at making inferior people cower, but it was quickly drowned by another feeling that I didn’t care to place or name at the moment. I just focused on the fact that she shouldn’t be too hard to scare away, so I fixated her with a steady glare, willing her to get up and walk away. 

“U-uhhh...maybe…?” she said, her voice wobbly as her heart rate continued to race. I would have pitied her, if I didn’t hate her mere existence so much. I felt the quickest flash of that other foreign emotion, that wasn’t searing irritation, but I suffocated it again as she continued. “Edward’s my biology lab partner, so…” she muttered, her voice still wobbling as her head dipped down. 

I opened my mouth again to further my verbal lashing and deliver a scathing retort that would no doubt leave her in tears as she crawled pitifully away from our table, hopefully to never bother us again when my sister beat me to the punch. 

“Rose, stop being mean!” she huffed, shooting me a look full of daggers. “We don’t own this table you know! And _I’ve_ been hoping she comes back to this table ever since I saw her sitting here the first day she got here, until _you_ scared her off!”

My mouth hung open from pure shock at the fact that Alice jumped in so easily to defend the _human_ girl, who was equally surprised it seemed. Brushing aside the fact that I cared to notice her actions in the first place, I quickly shut my mouth and narrowed my eyes at my sister before returning my glare to the intruder and forcing the words out of my throat. 

“But she’s…” I snarled, the words dying in my throat as I saw her shrink back again. I felt a swell of that unnameable emotion again, accompanied by an uncharacteristic wave of mercy filling my chest. I shot a quick look at Jasper, who shrugged imperceptibly as if to say it wasn’t him doing anything. But I found I could no longer say what I wanted to. So instead I just settled for something generic, but I still wanted her to leave so I said it as harshly as I could. “She should just fuck off.”

Edward shot me a glare and I returned it, not particularly caring at this moment about his reprimands over my swearing, especially when I was chasing her away for _his_ sake in the first place. Ungrateful ass. 

Alice, however, had decided to apparently just ignore me and had turned back to the girl to strike up a conversation. 

“I’m sorry about Rosalie,” she said, smiling warmly at the human. “She can be a bit prickly at times. Any friend of Edward’s is welcome to sit with us!” 

I rolled my eyes hard at that, and Edward quickly joined me in my feelings, bristling as he clenched his jaw. 

“She’s not my friend,” he said in a deadpan voice, and I felt another brief flash of pity as I realized how hard he was trying to hold himself back. 

“Not for lack of trying…” the girl muttered under her breath. I could feel her eyes dart to me quickly as she said it, and I wondered if she was still a little afraid of me. I felt a funny little twist in my gut at the thought, and then Alice started laughing at her comment. 

“Oh come on Edward let her sit with us! Look at her, she’s so cute! I just wanna wrap her up and take her home!” Alice said with a giggle, starting to fidget and bounce around in her seat as she practically made googly eyes at the human. She was beaming at her like she was the best thing since sliced bread, and I found myself wholly disgusted by the display.

I snorted loudly in an irritated manner, making it clear that I was in complete disagreement with this entire situation. Flipping my book back open, I returned my attention to it and stared down at it intensely, but I found myself unable to focus on the words enough to really process them. They swam hazily in my vision as I continuously got distracted by the haze of cinnamon and witch hazel, the stupid girl’s scent washing over me again now that I didn’t have the focus of trying to make her go away.

I could tell that Alice was going around the table, introducing us. Probably just for formality’s sake mostly, she most likely already knew who we all were. I tried my best to tune her out even as she made a joke about Alice’s size, telling myself that it was _not_ funny and clenching my jaw to keep from laughing. 

When she got to me I could feel the girl’s gaze on me, expecting some sort of acknowledgement or proper greeting I’m sure. I could hear her heart speed up a little when her eyes settled on me, and it took a good amount of self-control to not spit at her. Alice had made it clear that she was going to humor the human, and I was so on edge that if I got into it with her again I’d probably do something I’d regret later. 

“I’m, uh, Bella. Bella Swan,” I heard the girl say softly as Alice asked her for her own name, and realized that while I was painfully aware of her presence for the past few weeks, I never even knew her name. Hearing it caused an odd little feeling to snake through my body, as if something had gently fallen into place. 

_ Bella Swan,  _ I repeated in my mind, holding the name there.  _ That’s the name of my demon, I suppose. I wonder if it’s short for anything? Probably Isabella...Isabella Swan. How...regal.  _ I quickly redoubled my focus on my book as I felt my thoughts starting to drift, completely tuning out whatever inane conversation my siblings were having with her. 

She only looked at me a few more times before lunch was over and I could feel it each time, like her gaze was burning a hole in my skin. I did my best to ignore her, but her scent overwhelming me and the knowledge that she was _looking at me_ was a combination that made her an extremely difficult thing to fully ignore. 

Somehow I eventually made it through, and as soon as Bella had left I immediately followed suit. I got through the rest of my classes and remained as silent as I could in the car on the way home, even with Edward babbling the whole way home about how _impossible_ it was to be near her, how he felt so drawn to her.

I did my best to ignore him.

_ ~~~ _

I was sitting in the garden later that evening when I heard the shifting of movement and soft footsteps, and I caught the form of my sister in the corner of my eye. She was slowly approaching me, acting uncharacteristically hesitant. 

“I’m not going to bite you,” I said gruffly, shifting a little in my seat. 

“You’re not? Good. That’s, um, that’s good,” Alice mumbled as she finished approaching me, pulling up another chair and sitting nearby me. She wasn’t next to me, but not in my direct line of sight either. I was attempting to read a book, but after a few moments of her awkward fidgeting I sighed and closed it, gingerly setting it down on my leg.

“You’re acting extremely un-Alice right now, so spill the beans before I get annoyed at you,” I grumbled softly, putting a hand to my head to cover my eyes and propping my elbow on the arm of my chair, leaning into it a little as I rested my face in my hand. 

“You mean you’re not already?” she asked awkwardly, shifting in her seat. 

I moved my hand slightly to peer at her, frowning as I glared a little. “You do tend to inspire a baseline amount of annoyance that seems to persist almost constantly, but you are my sister so I’m willing to put up with it. Is that what you’re referring to?”

“Um. Not exactly, but thank you? I think?” Alice said, coughing lightly. “You can’t keep ignoring it, you know.”

Narrowing my eyes, I moved my hand fully away from my face so I could glare at her properly. I knew what she was referring to, and I had absolutely no desire to speak about it whatsoever. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said cooly, flipping my book back open and returning my attention to it.

I heard her sigh and I pointedly ignored her as she scooted a little closer to me, her chair scraping unpleasantly along the patio. 

“You’ve been pretending for a month now that she doesn’t exist. My vision may not have been clear enough to get a proper view of the other girl you were with, but she’s the right build, she has the right hair, the right height,” Alice spoke softly, and I spoke up harshly to cut her off.

“ I said  _ I have no idea what you’re talking about _ ,” I hissed, not looking up from my book.

“Jasper isn’t stupid you know, and I did tell you I told him about the vision. He can feel what you’re feeling around her. If you don’t do something soon, Edward is going to get it fully stuck in his head that she’s _his_ mate, no thanks to Emmet, and not just a particularly potent singer,” Alice said, tension starting to creep into her voice. “The only reason I haven’t interfered yet is out of respect for you and your wish for me to not share my vision with anyone else.”

“Who’s to say that she _isn’t_ his mate, and _my_ particularly potent singer?” I snapped, arching an eyebrow. “Without using your vision as reference. Just because she’s close doesn’t mean she’s exactly who you saw. That’s assuming you’re correct, of course.”

I could hear the faintest rumble of an irritated growl in Alice’s throat, but she didn’t let it fully surface. She took a deep breath and waited a few moments to respond.

“There’s a difference between the draw of a mate and the draw of a singer,” she said, speaking slowly and clearly. “A singer is...almost the magical equivalent of a vampire’s favorite food, as it were. And since the desire to feed is so primal and instinctual, that magical favorite can be so enticing and intense that it overrides our sense of self-control, it appeals to our base instinct to feed.”

“With a singer, the desire is only to consume. To feed. It’s the blood that sings, not the person themselves.”

“ But, with a mate…” Alice continued, trailing off for a moment before continuing. “With a mate, the desire is towards the actual person. You feel a connection to the  _ person _ , it’s almost the opposite of a singer. It’s hard for a vampire to resist even harming their singer, let alone resist feeding from them. But with a mate, the desire would be to...protect. To keep safe, to treasure.”

“I...but, vampires don’t mate with humans. So how can we tell the difference? Maybe I do want to eat her,” I said, struggling to make the words come at first but finishing with a harsh snap, trying to not pay too much attention to what she was saying.

“Do you?” Alice asked, her voice level and calm, as if it was a simple and easy question.

It should have been. As I realized my mouth wasn’t moving to answer, I felt myself begin to grow angry. This was an _easy_ question, she was my singer, of course she was my singer. My demon. Of course I wanted to...eat her. That’s why she smelled so good. Why I noticed her presence constantly, to track her. Right? It had to be.

I opened my mouth to say so, but the sound died in my throat and instead a frustrated growl came out. I shut my mouth and clenched my jaw, hissing softly.

Alice sighed again and stood up, reaching out to gently brush her fingers against my shoulder as she walked back inside the house. She stopped in the doorway, and said one last thing before walking inside.

“The vision hasn’t changed. You still have time.”

And then I was alone, with nothing but a burning feeling in my eyes and two sets of words stuck painfully in my throat. The first, that I did want to eat her, that she was nothing but a singer demon, that it was hard to resist tearing her apart right there in the cafeteria, just wouldn’t come. 

The other stayed resolutely in my throat because I wouldn’t let them escape. Or acknowledge them at all. No matter how much they lied and made my eyes burn.

_ ~~~ _

I was only vaguely prepared the next day when I saw Bella had sat down at our table before us at lunch. Alice had warned me it was coming, I had heard some partial notions about it yesterday when they were babbling to each other. I barely managed to keep the scathing words bubbling up in my throat down, as Alice had told me that if I wasn’t going to be nice I should at least be quiet. 

Still not in a particular mood to have a full blown fight with my sister yet, I agreed. So I settled for a loud snort of derision and irritation as my sister untangled herself from Bella, who she had run up to and  _ hugged _ , making me feel positively nauseated. I settled into my seat and flipped my book open, doing my best to ignore Bella’s presence, which was far easier said than done. 

She pulled out a drawing pad though, and this tempted my curiosity a bit too much to fully ignore. As Alice took possession of it and started flicking through it, I couldn’t help but turn my gaze towards it a few times. My siblings were heaping praise onto Bella, and I had to admit it wasn’t entirely unfounded. Her pieces were very well done, from what I could tell of the brief glimpses I caught of them.

The faces that looked out from the papers of her drawing pads were full of life, in a manner that was hard to really quantify. In all my idle time practicing the arts, I had never really enjoyed drawing faces. I was always far more fond of musical artistry, or if I did dip into the physical arts I would prefer something like sculpting where I could really use my hands. 

As Alice continued to lavish Bella with praise, I became very aware of the fact that blood was rushing to her neck and face in a deep blush, and her scent grew even stronger. I had to close my eyes and sharply focus on something else to resist drawing in a deep breath as cinnamon and witch hazel thickened in the air, with just that faintest hint of raspberry.

She had spoken a few times in a very soft and wobbly voice. Unlike the last time I clearly heard her speak though, her voice didn’t wobble out of fear or hurt. This time she seemed completely flustered and embarrassed by this entire procedure. If she hadn’t been a human, I would have been tempted to call the entire situation something resembling  _ cute. _

I scowled as that thought ran across my mind and was tempted to just walk away from the table, citing some silly human excuse like stomach trouble or a heart attack when Alice started insisting for Bella to draw something right now at the table. 

She was holding a pencil right in front of the girl's face, and Bella had taken her pad back but was eyeing the pencil with a look of unease. She was sputtering and stammering, and I allowed myself the smallest of smirks when no one was looking. It was fun to watch her squirm. 

Then Alice offered something that made me freeze up, my mind spinning as my fingers twitched a little. Alice had just offered for her to _come over to our house._ Did I hear her correctly? I must have misheard her, she couldn’t have a _human_ there with us, what the hell was she thinking? This little game of letting her sit with us was insane enough as it was, but bringing her to our _home_?

I could only hope that the human had enough sense to deny the offer. 

And then I felt her eyes drift over to me. She hadn’t said anything, but she hadn’t looked at anyone else besides Alice the entire time my sister had been wheedling her. I felt my skin tingle as she looked at me, even though it was only for a few brief moments. I had managed to avoid looking directly at her so far, even though I had taken a few glances at her pad. Yet in that moment, I couldn’t stop my eyes from drifting as well. 

It was only for a few seconds at most, but the moment our gazes met I could feel her breath hitching in her throat, I could hear her heart speed up. Her flush deepened just a little bit, and she closed her eyes, gulping and taking a deep breath. Then she nodded, and I felt my stomach drop a little bit. 

I needed to talk to Alice about this. I had to drag her away, and ask her what the hell she was thinking. What she was doing. This wasn’t just some cute fawning over a dumb human anymore, if Alice brings her closer to us it could get  _ dangerous _ , doesn’t she know that?

I debated just grabbing her by the arm and dragging her outside to have a talk with her, but then the table fell into an odd silence as Bella straightened out her paper and hesitantly placed the pencil against it. She pulled back a few times, chewing on her lip a little as she placed the pencil back on the paper. I could feel her heart racing still.

Then I heard it slow down as Alice reached out and gently touched her wrist, and I felt a sudden urge to snarl at my sister. I chalked it up to just being angry at her over her stupidity, and quickly tried to focus on what Bella was drawing, trying to ignore my sister’s touch on her wrist. 

Despite myself I was feeling rather pulled in as Bella began to bring the pencil across the paper, forming the outline of a portrait. Her heartbeat had slowed to a very calm pace as an odd look of tranquility came over her, the lines on the paper slowly emerging and coming together into a whole piece. 

I could barely conceal my surprise as she finished up her piece, although I didn’t get a perfectly clear look at it since I wasn’t trying to look too obviously or directly. Alice asked her if it was someone specific, and Bella denied it, but I was barely paying attention to what they were saying as I tried to subtly get a better viewing angle of the picture. 

Then Emmet got his hands on the pad and it was hidden from my view. His brow furrowed as he examined it, and I felt a strange sense of apprehension creeping up on me as he did so. I could see his brain working as something clicked in his eyes, then he grinned and flipped the pad around.

“Hey sis, doesn’t this look familiar to you at all?” he asked as he flipped the pad around at Alice, grinning wide. My siblings frowned and leaned in to get a better look at the pad. I finally had a clear view as well, and my stomach did a few flips out of shock. I stifled a gasp as I took it in.

“Oh it does!” Alice squealed happily after a few moments, turning to Jasper and poking his shoulder. “Jazz, look, look!” she said, pointing at the drawing and giggling. He nodded, with a faint smile on his face underneath the look of surprise. Bella was leaning in as well, looking thoroughly confused. 

“Uhh...I have no idea what you’re talking about, I didn’t draw anyone specific I don’t think…?” Bella said nervously, her gaze darting between us all. She ran a hand through her hair and it fell by the side of her face, framing it nicely between her dark brown curls. 

Blinking, I shook my head and suddenly reached over to snatch the pad out of Emmet’s grasp, wanting to get a better, closer look at it myself. Maybe I was imagining things, or finally going insane. 

As I examined the woman on the paper before me, I felt a swell of several different emotions. The woman on the paper had a firm look on her face, with long hair that fell past her shoulders. It was a face that was eerily familiar to me, yet at the same time it was wholly alien. It was a face I had seen staring back at me so many times, but it also wasn’t. 

The mouth looked wrong, not quite frowning, but not smiling either, just a thin line of quiet determination framed even more by the uncanny look in her eyes that Bella managed to capture, staring off somewhere into the distance, looking very firm and peaceful and...something else, that I couldn’t quite place.

The longer I examined it, holding the pad up and then setting it my lap and holding it up again to see it from different angles, the less ability I had to deny it. The strange maelstrom of emotions that had begun to whirl and storm in my gut became even more intense as my eyes began to burn slightly.

Bella had drawn  _ me _ . 

It was undoubtedly me, it had to be. The similarities were _too_ similar to be a coincidence. But at the same time, it wasn’t me. Not the me that I was familiar with, the me that would stare back from the mirror. There was no harshness in this face, no monster, no scowl or snarl to inspire fear.

_ She really is my demon. _

As the storm of emotions threatened to spill over and the burning feeling in my eyes increased in intensity, I did the only thing I could think of in the situation and swiftly, carefully, removed the drawing from the pad. I then folded it a few times, very carefully and gently, and tucked it into my bag where I wouldn’t have to keep looking at it.

“H-hey!” came a meek protest. “What are you doing…?”

I looked at Bella, thankful that while my eyes might burn, they weren’t able to actually form tears as I pierced her with my gaze. Those chocolate eyes looked back at me, and for the first time I willingly locked myself into their gaze. I could feel the emotions tumble across this unspoken connection, but I didn’t dare acknowledge them. I attempted to make my face as intimidating and unreadable as possible.

“Uh…” Bella said, her voice soft, but steady. I could tell she was struggling to make a sound while staring at me, her heartbeat beginning to race as her breathing started to pick up a little. She must be afraid. “Can...I have my drawing back?” she asked in a breathy voice, barely audible to anyone without enhanced hearing. 

“No,” I stated, not intending for a growl to crawl into my voice but finding one there anyway. I frowned and steeled myself as she winced slightly, that slight movement from her allowing me to break the eye contact and force my sight back onto my book, flipping it back open and staring in it like I intended to burn the pages with my gaze. 

I certainly didn’t intend on _keeping_ the drawing, but I couldn’t let it go anywhere else. It needed to be...destroyed. Kept in the dark. No one else could see it. I was a monster, it would do terrible things to my reputation if that image of me somehow managed to circulate. I had to keep it under wraps, for that sake alone.

“Uh...why not?” she asked, her voice still soft and steady. I could feel her scent wash over me again, that accursed and intoxicating blend of cinnamon and witch hazel, and yet again just the absolute faintest hint of raspberry. I had to stop myself from inhaling deep, and even then, a small shudder ran down my spine. 

_ Curse this demon. Curse this demon and her very existence, I would be happy if she just vanished one day, never to be seen again. Curse you Isabella Swan. _

Thankfully she quickly stopped trying to continue talking to me and as soon as the bell rang I disappeared off into the hallways in a flash. Being around the demon was dangerous, for my emotional health if nothing else. I was clearly underestimating the ability a singer had to alter my mental state. 

As I spent time away from her and my siblings my thoughts began to calm down, and then I began to seethe again at the prospect of Alice inviting that _human_ over to our house. I snarled to myself as I started stomping through the halls after the final class of the day, intending to give Alice a piece of my mind.

This plan was swiftly interrupted however when my arm was abruptly grabbed as I left the school, and I quickly found myself being dragged off into a secluded place in the nearby woods where I was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground. 

“ What the  _ fuck?! _ ”  I shrieked, whipping around to look at my assailant. Edward was looming over me as I quickly stood up, his lip curling as I quickly brushed dirt off of my clothing before balling my fists and stomping towards him. “Are you absolutely fucking insane? What the actual hell is your problem?” 

“I could ask you the same thing,” he hissed under his breath. “Did you think I couldn’t see what you were thinking all throughout lunch today?” 

I froze up for an instant as memories of my own feelings about Bella started to creep up, but I quickly shut them down as I reached out and grabbed Edward by the collar, snarling as I lifted him up and slammed him against the trunk of a tree. 

“I told you to stay out of my fucking head you creep,” I said in a cold voice, keeping my volume low as my fists trembled lightly. 

“Why are you having such...ridiculous thoughts about her? She could be my _mate,”_ Edward growled, reaching his own hands up to try and wrangle mine off of his shirt. “You should back off if you know what’s good for you.”

“She isn’t your _mate_ you stupid fucking ingrate,” I hissed with an amount of venom in my voice that surprised even me, but I kept going. “That’s a stupid fairytale that you’ve apparently now fallen for too. She’s just a fucking singer, you _idiot_.”

“You’ve always been so cynical Rosalie, are you really going to try and deny me my happiness with talks of fairy tales?” Edward sneered. 

“What fucking happiness! You can barely even say a word to her!” I said, laughing incredulously. I knew my brother was a fool on a good day but this, this was pushing it. This was an _impressive_ level of lunacy, even for him. I dropped him and backed up a few steps, sneering back at him. “You just want to fucking _eat_ her, don’t delude yourself.”

“And you? I find it highly unlikely that two vampires have the same singer, and if you’re so convinced that mates aren’t real, how do you explain that?” 

“Singers are real, mates aren’t. Just because it’s unlikely for two vampires to share a singer doesn’t mean it’s impossible,” I spat, my patience for this conversation quickly beginning to wane. I stomped past him, grumbling under my breath as I broke into a run back towards our car. 

“This conversation isn’t over! Stay away from her Rosalie!” came a sneering call from behind me. I elected to ignore it, as the only other reasonable option was to rip his arm off and force it up a dark cave next to his stick. 

When I eventually arrived at the car, Alice and Jasper were already in the backseat with Emmet in the passenger seat. I threw myself into the driver’s seat and slammed my hands on the wheel, letting out a loud growl of frustration. 

“Uh...you okay there Rosie?” Emmet asked, letting out a nervous chuckle as my forehead touched the top of the steering wheel. 

“Can I please burn Edward at the stake? People would definitely believe he was a witch, right? I’m justified here?” I groaned. 

“I’m sorry,” Alice said, reaching over to pat my shoulder. I grumbled at the contact but didn’t immediately swat her away. “I was going to warn you but I didn’t see you before he grabbed you. Although, I mean, I already sort of warned you.”

I slapped her hand away after that, tensing up and hissing at her. 

“Warned her about what?” Emmet asked, looking back and forth between me and her with a bemused look on his face. 

“Nothing,” I hissed. “Edward is just being an ass, as per _fucking_ usual. Also, Alice, what the hell are you doing? Inviting the _human_ over?”

Alice sat back and crossed her arms, pouting at me. “She’s not gonna hurt anything!”

“I’m not particularly worried about _her_ being the one doing the hurting, dumbass. Being near us is already dangerous enough as it is for her, but if she finds out about us that puts us _all_ in danger, or did you forget about that detail?”

“...Not necessarily,” Alice grumbled, looking out the window and sulking. “I’ve started seeing more visions today...with her. They’re fragmented, very shaky, but something is there. There’s just...too many decisions by too many people that need to be made first, that have yet to happen, but…”

I snarled at her. “If you finish that sentence with what I think you’re going to, just remember I know where you live.”

She huffed with indignation and shot a look at me in the rearview mirror as I started to pull up onto the road, but thankfully she stayed quiet. I just continued stewing in the car until we got back to the house, quickly dashing off into my room and slamming the door. As I was trying to put my encounter with Edward, and the entire events of the day, out of my mind I threw my backpack against the wall and let out a frustrated cry.

_ Stupid demon girl had to go and make everything so fucking complicated. So confusing. I’ve never had a singer like this before, the last one I remember having I passed by on a busy street some decades ago and I just ran in the opposite direction to avoid hurting them. I only encountered them once, we left the city after a few weeks… _

_ Is this what prolonged exposure to a singer does? They really are like demons, driving me mad… _

As I thought, the things Edward said to me burst into my mind and I snarled loudly again, grabbing a pillow off of my bed and ripping it in half with a shout, feathers bursting all around my room. I threw both halves of the murdered pillow to the floor, my chest heaving as I breathed heavily from the stress.

I quickly marched over to my bag and unzipped it, digging through it desperately. I needed a distraction, I needed my book. 

My fingers found my book and I started pulling it out, but then I spotted a folded up piece of paper tucked near the bottom of the bag. Before I could stop myself my fingers were clasping around it and slowly unfolding it. I sunk to a sitting position on my floor as I fully unfolded it, pulling my knees up to my chest as I held the paper in my hand.

The only light coming through my window was dim from the dusk of sunset, but it was enough to softly illuminate the drawing I was holding in my hands with a halo of orange-yellow light. Placing it up against the wall, I smoothed out the creases as gently and carefully as I could before holding it closer. 

_ Why did I take this? _

In that moment I just needed to get the drawing out of my sight, it was causing too many confusing emotions and I couldn’t risk causing a scene. But at the same time….I couldn’t just let it out of my sight. As I turned it over in my hands, really taking my time to assess it, I found myself genuinely...impressed by it.

For an off-the-cuff portrait it was extremely well done, my family had all obviously instantly realized it was supposed to me once they had a few moments to look at it properly. Did she do this on purpose, to taunt me?

_ She has no reason to do that. She genuinely didn’t seem like she even knew she drew me, even when my siblings started talking about it she had no idea what they were on about, she was completely lost. And if she was going to draw me to taunt me in some way, it most likely would’ve been something far more caricatured, not...this.  _

The image I was holding in my hands felt so odd to associate with myself, because it didn’t particularly look or feel like what I normally associated with myself. I was a monster, a bitch, ‘prickly’ as everyone so delicately put it. Mean, harsh, scary. Frigid. I wanted to be seen that way, I cultivated that reputation for a reason.

But there was none of that here. In the image all I saw was a quiet firmness, the face was defined and hard yes, but not in a way that was harsh or cruel. It was almost...reverent, almost like how one would have drawn a Greek goddess like Athena or Artemis. A protector. 

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there staring at the drawing, but at some point my eyes began to burn. 

_ ~~~ _

“Everyone! Bella is here!” came a ringing voice that I quickly identified as Alice. I started and jumped up, quickly tossing the drawing off into some corner of my room. I heard myself hiss under my breath as I ducked over to my door, cracking it open and listening. The stupid human came? And Alice still brought her here?

Edward still hadn’t arrived home after our...discussion, and I wasn’t sure if I was happy about that or not. I think I was at least thankful that he wasn’t. Both because I didn’t want to deal with him being pissy and complaining about his singer being here, and also because I was starting to grow a small concern in the back of my head about his apparently rapidly-growing obsession with the idea of the girl as his mate.

Something he said to me earlier popped into my head and I pondered on it for a second. Would I be someone to deny him true happiness? I suppose not, I think. If he really would be truly happy. But at the same time, I wouldn’t exactly want to wish the horrors of whatever Edward thought of as “romantic” on anyone, let alone a _human_ that he most definitely just wanted to eat. 

I didn’t have much time to think about Edward though as I heard Bella’s voice float up the stairs.

“ I-It’s very nice to meet you too Mr. and Mrs. Cullen,” I heard her stammer out as she greeted Carlisle and Esme. ““And um, it’s alright Mrs. Cullen I ate before I came here but a glass of water would be nice…?”

I sucked in a small breath as I heard her speak. Then I bit my lip and remembered that I was _angry_ that she was here. Alice, the entire family, was being stupid and putting themselves in danger. As soon as I heard her step out of the house, I took my opportunity to rush downstairs and lecture the lot of them.

“Are you all insane?” I snarled as I stomped into the main room. Carlisle and Esme just sighed softly while Alice jumped a little, and Jasper put down his controller, as he had been playing _Halo_ with Emmet.

“Rosalie! What’s gotten into you?” Esme said, her voice carrying a reprimanding tone. I balked for a moment, I never _enjoyed_ upsetting Esme. But it always seemed inevitable, given my disposition. After a brief second I kept going. 

“ You all know she’s a fucking human right? Not some stray dog? She has the potential to cause serious damage!” I hissed, pointing at the direction of the front door. “So we’re just inviting her into our home now?!”

“ Rosalie…” Now Carlisle spoke, in that same calm, level tone he always had. I rounded on him, too angry at this point to care. 

“ No, why exactly are we doing this? This is so  _ stupid _ , just because Alice likes her we have to put ourselves at risk?” I spat, letting the full force of my snarl creep into my voice. Jasper winced and sank back into the chair, and I felt the briefest pang of pity before Alice piped up. 

“ This isn’t a risk Rose, you know what I saw!” she insisted, taking a step towards me. 

Red flashed in my vision as I turned to my sister.

“I don’t give a _shit_ what you saw, you’re putting us at risk. And you _know_ how Edward feels about her! Normally I’m the _last_ one to take his side but he’s been complaining about having to sit next to her every day in biology for _weeks_ , it’s a miracle he’s holding out! And you just bring her into the house!” I said, too angry to even yell at this point. My voice was like ice, and some part of me knew I was probably pushing it a little too far, but I didn’t care. They were the ones putting us at risk, _someone_ had to be the voice of reason around here. 

Before any of them could respond, I heard a cough from the hallway. Bella. I winced and took a few steps back, realizing she probably heard that. But before I could think about how much she actually heard, Alice walked right up to me and started speaking under her breath so only I could make out what she was saying. 

“Her being Edward’s singer is _not_ what you’re concerned about Rosalie, we both know this. Why do you always have to be so stubborn? She isn’t a risk, I’ve seen her in my visions, they’ve been getting clearer all day. She’s going to be-”

I felt rage and frustration spill over in my gut before she could finish, and I burst out yelling again. 

“Yeah well _fuck_ you Alice! _You_ can explain it to Edward then, and anyone else who happens to find out! I’m having no part in this!” I nearly screamed, shoving Alice away from me. How _dare_ she accuse me of hiding behind concern for my brother, I may not be directly fond of him but I sure as hell don’t want to put him at this much _risk_.

I turned on my heel and stomped back up the stairs, fleeing into my room and slamming the door loudly behind me. I collapsed onto my knees on the floor and brought my hands up to my head, silently screaming as my anger crashed off of me in waves. 

_ Demon girl, demon demon demon. She’s going to get us all fucking killed, I don’t care what Alice thinks she sees, this is too much risk to pin on it. Can’t they see that? Can’t they understand? _

As I slowly opened my eyes and made to stand up, a piece of paper caught my eye, discarded in the corner where I left it. The drawing. 

I reached over and grasped it, pulling it into my vision and staring at it. 

“ Stupid, blind demon girl…” I murmured softly as my eyes began to burn, running my fingers across the paper. “I hate you and I wish you never existed. I hate you, I hate you for putting my family at risk, I hate you for charming my family and making them take that risk.”

I didn’t know where the words were coming from, but now that they were spilling out of me I didn’t know quite how to stop them. 

“ I hate you for your stupid eyes and your stupid voice and your stupid smell, I don’t even like cinnamon, I don’t even remember what it tasted like but I’m sure I hated it. I hate everything about you and I hate what you’ve done to my brother, he’s an ass but seeing him like this is terrible.”

I took in a deep breath to try and steady myself, and if it was anything, it certainly wasn’t a stable breath. I was shaking, and I let a few more words drop from my lips as I stared at the drawing. 

“ I hate you, and I don’t understand how you see this. You’re stupid, obviously, you have no sense of self preservation if this is what you see. You should be terrified of me, you should be running screaming. Yet you do this…”

With a heavy sigh I slowly stood up, making my way towards the door. I cracked it open a little and took a hesitant step out into the hallway. I wasn’t ready to apologize to Alice, not yet, but I could tell a losing battle when I saw one. 

Just because I heavily disapproved of Bella and my family’s decision didn’t mean I wanted to alienate myself from them because of it. I can be the voice of reason and be civil, especially if my family is really going to dig their heels in about this. I resolved to at least apologize to Esme, she was the one I least liked blowing up at. 

As I walked through the hallway, I realized that the conversation being had with Bella was the exact one I was hoping _wouldn’t_ happen, at least, not for a long time. I started mentally kicking myself as I realized she must’ve heard more of my outburst than I thought, and she knew something was up. 

_Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid, you let your emotions get the better of you and now look what’s going on! Now_ you’re _the one putting your family at risk you ass!_

All I could hope for was that Bella was too human about it, too stuck in looking for a rational explanation to what I said. There was no way just any human would _guess_ what we are, and my family didn’t seem keen on outright telling her at least. So we were probably fine, we just-

“ Vampires.”

_ Shit. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LATENESS OF THIS CHAPTER  
> Some shit came up in my life and this chapter is a bit of a behemoth so it took time to edit and put together, but it's done now! Fully caught up from the rewind and now we can move forward and see what happens from here.
> 
> Rosalie has only been denying herself her mate for a month, and it's already starting to take an emotional toll on her. And now Edward's going to make things even more complicated. I'll try and make sure the next Friday update is on time! Tuesday probably won't have an update next week unless I'm particularly prolific but we'll see.
> 
> Oh yeah also apparently the formatting is just broken for this chapter, no fuckin clue why. Will see if I can fix it for the next one but nothing I can think of is fixing it here.


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